More Free Writing

And why is it free? CAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL AIN'T PAYIN' FOR IT!

Here we go!

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"In your own words."

"My own- Yeah, ok.... well, it went like this. I mean, I think it did.

"I went to the washroom cause I had to piss. I got in there and I was reeling. I had to lean against the wall just to use the urinal. So I look down into the bowl and in there is a fly, so I aim for it. But the fucking thing won't die. It doesn't even move! So I keep trying. And I know I was messed up, but I was hitting the thing! No doubt about it!
"But I'm emptied out, so I go back out to the bar and I tell all this to the bartender. And he laughs. He tells me that the fly is etched onto the bowl because when people see a fly in a urinal they aim for it automatically and it means that he doesn't have to clean up piss off the floor and wall. He says he's got the cleanest washrooms in town!
"And I start getting all mad, thinking that he cheated me, that he's been playing with my mind. And I burn his bar down!"

There was a long pause; a silence broken only by the slow swoosh of the ceiling fan. A fly buzzed under the convict's nose and he brushed it away. The attorney was sitting on the edge of his desk wearing a grey suit. The sunlight shining through the vertical blinds made a striped pattern on his folded arms while simultaneously revealing just how dusty the office was. At length he shifted his position, placing his hands palm to palm under his nose as though he was praying.

"You realize," he began slowly, "that this is a very difficult position to defend."

"What the fuck?"

"Please don't swear."

"Sorry," said the convict, shifting on the small couch. It was cream coloured and slightly lumpy.

"What my position is... is that you want me to defend you in court against a very serious charge. A charge of arson. And one that you openly admit to committing. But you don't want to go to jail for it. I'm afraid," said the attorney, removing his glasses, "that it simply isn't possible."

"I'll burn down your office!" shouted the convict jumping out of his seat.

"Sit down," said the attorney. After a moment he added "please" and the convict sat down.

The fly settled on the green fern behind the attorney's desk. It rubbed it's legs together and stretched it's wings.

"I am your court appointed attorney. But that does not mean that I cannot refuse to represent you. So if you want me to work for you there are some hard facts that you are going to have to accept. The first is that you will go to prison."

The convict squirmed uncomfortably.

"The second," continued the attorney, "is that you will get a reduced sentence if you admit to the judge that you are guilty. Claiming innocence will only anger the judge because he will think that you've tried to put on over on him when it comes out that you are guilty."

"But I'm not guilty!"

"Did you burn down the bar?"

"You're fucking right I did!"

"Then you ARE guilty. I'm not sure how to make this any plainer. It's against the law to commit arson."

"Then the laws should be changed," said the convict in a small voice, picking some skin off of his finger.

"Well, they aren't going to be," sighed the attorney. He had a long day ahead and already had a long day behind. What he wanted more than anything was to sit down and eat a tuna sandwich.

The fly attempted to exit the room through the window, but it had been shut.

"Can I get insanity?"

"Do you know what that entails?"

"En-?"

"Means."

"..."

The attorney sighed again. "It means that you'll have to submit to a psychological examination, and if you do get your sentence reduced to insanity you'll have to spend a very long time in a hospital."

"Hospitals are easier to get out of than jails," said the convict absentmindedly, chewing a fingernail and watching the fly.

The attorney looked at the convict. Had he really just said that?

"Are you telling me that you want me to argue your case to an insanity plea so that you can escape more easily?"

"If you call security right now, I'll burn down your office."

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That's it. It was inspired by this:



I havn't even read it over, and I don't think I will. Sorry for spelling errors.