This could be a long one... or I could get distracted.

I find I have a lot of stuff to talk about for some reason. I should make a list/table of contents, or I'll forget something.

1) Get Behind Me Satan
2) Nora
3) Quiz/Kirsten
4) Luke & Erica
5) River Phoenix
6) This keyboard

1) Get Behind Me Satan - Best thing ever. I've been listening to it non-freakin'-stop since Jenny got it for me, and it just keeps getting better. It's so weird and off-kilter. Meg sings a 35-second long song, though I think that "In the Cold, Cold Night" was better. I read a review that said the first single "Blue Orchid" was a red herring designed to lure you into a little room and then lock the door. Despite being a clever reference to another Stripes song, the review is pretty accurate. "Blue Orchid" is the first song on the album, so you put it on and think to yourself "Sweet. Rock & Roll." But then the second, third, fourth and fifth songs come on.

"The Nurse" is one of those songs that I'd put on a mix CD to piss off my friend's father because although it's a very good song, it's totally unlistenable if you're a) over 40, or b) not a White Stripes fan. Do not play this song at a party. It truly rules, don't get me wrong, but it's so disjointed and strange that it will drive some away. I'm still trying to figure out the timing of those blasts of drums and guitar. The marimba is pretty cool too.

"My Doorbell" has no guitar on it. I think I really love that Jack White plays piano. On the Stripes DVD, he switches between guitar and piano many times during one song. Impressive. This song is one of those ones you find yourself murmuring to yourself hours later while you're out shopping for avacadoes.

"Forever for Her (Is Over For Me)" is funny. Marimba again, over a story about getting it on all over the place before commitment sets in.

"Little Ghost" was I think written with a ukelele. I picture Jack and a bunch of mechanical hillbilly-bears sitting on the porch of that cabin from "Black Sheep" while Meg's in the kitchen fryin' up some grits. I think Loretta's there somewhere too. Possibly on the roof shooting at buzzards.

"The Denial Twist" as stated before is most excellent. It sounds like Jack was overjoyed with the words he had written and was having the best time singing them. Sounds like smiling. I think he's singing directly to Meg on this one. I can picture it in my head. This song makes me happy.

Then there are other song too, but I don't want to go through them all. It's a great album that should be in your collection.

2) Nora - aka my puppy, full name "Anorien Grace Rootazelton." So the nerdy confession is that Nora is named after a river from Lord of the Rings. I don't know if that's nerdy after all, but why not cover my bases. Like all our animals and most of our possessions, Jenny & I have personified Nora with a voice of her own; a kind of distracted, enthusiastic persona which is in keeping with her weird behaviour and unexplained foot fetish. Her favourite toy is when you stick out your foot. She jumps on it, rubs up against it, tries to put her back leg up on it. What a weirdo. But she's my weirdo and I love her.

Jenny & I rescued Nora. Her mother had rejected her (ie/ wouldn't let her feed, snarled, etc) and so we took her under our wing at the tender age of six weeks old. She's a good dog at heart, though she gets excited a lot. I really need to get her some more exercise. And I will! More walks! More playing!

Here's a song that Jenny & I made up for Nora to sing. It's to the tune of the theme from "I Dream of Jeanie" though you'll have to play with the meter if you want it to sync up.

Doggy
I am a doggy
You can't
do anything about it
Because
You are not a scientist
Ha ha ha!

La la la
Doggy
I am a doggy
You can't
change my DNA-ay
Because
You are not a scientist
Ooo a bird!

You are
You are not a scientist
So I
I'll keep being a dog
Doggy
I'm a little doggy
Hey, what's that?

Lookin'
I'm lookin' arou-ound
Lookin'
Hey there's something else
You are
You are not a scientist

Dee ehn
Dee eh-ehn ay-ay
I'm not
I'm not a scientist
I'm just
Just a little doggy
and you're not!

That pretty much sums up Nora in a nutshell.

3) Quiz. So there's a back story to this one. Pretty much everyone I know right now is involved in some capacity with the production of The Tempest going on at Thorneloe. It's an all female cast, and I've been to see it twice, but I wish I could go see it again. There are one or two people I didn't know before this started (though I can't really claim to know them all that well now), and one of those people is Kirsten Humbert who plays Ferdinand. Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I recognize her more than know her. Perhaps I can change that. She seems cool. But I digress. Through the myriad connections between pages on this site and others, I've stumbled across Kirsten's inner brain workings. Bored at work, I began flipping through old posts and I found a compatability quiz. So this will tell Kirsten how compatable the two of us are. I don't know why I would want to know that, or if that is within the capabilities of a simple quiz (in fact I know it isn't) but I'm a sucker for this type of thing. If anyone else wants to answer these and find out how compatable you are with me, go right ahead. Please keep in mind that these answers will apply to Kirsten only.

Music:

Out of this line-up, please select the band that doesn’t suck: Tool, Guns ‘N Roses, Rush, Kiss, XTC, Enrique Iglesias, Dashboard Confessional: Kiss

We’re eating perogies, and Jail House Rock comes on; what is your reaction?: "Whoa! Is this Jail House Rock?"

Is it right to force one’s own musical tastes and opinions on others? Justify. No. Some people, bless their cotton socks, will just never get it, and your energies could be put to better use.

How can you contribute as a co-pilot in the boat of my guitar? Uh... you BET I can! I can play guitar if that's what you're after.

Can you score me heroin? I can lend you a Velvet Underground CD.

Movies:

Do you like Star Wars? The missile defense program?

Name three really awesome movies. 1) Spirited Away 2) Amelie 3) Stand By Me

What’s your opinion of Bill Murray when he eats anything in a movie? I can only think of when he eats a hot dog in "Ed Wood." Man is he ever workin' it.

How do you identify a movie (ex. Actors, director, plot, amount of sexual content . . .)? Whether or not it sucks.

Complete the following sentence, choosing the most appropriate adjective: "Woody Allen is awesome/terrible because..." (Negative responses accepted) Woody Allen is awesome because he beat the system and did what we all dreamed of doing; he realized a reverse Oedipus complex, thus evapourating all of Freud's theories in one fell swoop.

What’s your best movie-related shinanagen? After the commercial for the Army that they stick at the beginning of the movie, my friend jumped up and yelled "That's it! I'm joining the army!" and ran out of the theatre. He came back as they were playing a commercial for Coke and when it ended he jumped up and yelled "That's it! I'm gettting a Coke!" and ran out of the theatre. He came back a few minutes later with a really large Coke.

What is the most important factor for zombies to be TRULY terrifying? Speed. If they were all lurchy like in the movies it'd be no problem, because you could just take a bat or a chainsaw to them, but when they run at you....brrrr!

Nudity and All Things Related:

How do you feel about nudity? I'm in favour of it!

Will you be offended if I do not wear a bra while we hangout? I kinda doubt it.

Have I hung out with you with few/no clothes on? Nope.

If not, why haven’t we? Well, we've only spoken about three times.

How do you feel about thongs on the beach? They seem strangely inappropriate.

Do you watch butt/fecal/animal/cannibal porn? Well, I guess it depends on what mood I'm in- I mean... no.

Favourite nickname for male nether regions: Doodle.

Favourite nickname for female nether regions: Cootch.

Hobbies:

Name something you do that’s artistic: I work in an art gallery! Plus I play guitar, and I write sometimes too.

Are you more flexible than I am? I doubt it.

Do you do any sports? If so, which? Don't do sports. Stay in school. Drink your milk.

Do you like the mall? Yeah, but I don't know if the mall likes me! Will you give it this note for me?

Do you spend mad bling, or do you avoid money-related things like the plague? Well, I don't have many options right now. Maybe in July.

Can we play dress-up? (as if this is the most obvious thing in the world) Yes!

Have we jammed? Not yet!

What do you think of my singing (if you’ve heard . . . if not . . . just um . . . lie.)? Your singing could coax angels from heaven to say "Hey, who's that?"

Food:

What’s your policy on new foods? I'll try it, but you can't make me like it!

Do you hold great disdain for chain restaurants? Not really, no.

Have you eaten any of the following: raw sea urchin, emu, ostrich, snapping turtle, sea weed, raw fish, eel, octopus, or loco? Sea weed, raw fish.

Have I ever bitten you? I love how this question is under "Food." But no, not yet.

Miscellaneous:

Tell me something I don’t know: My first dog's name was "Pupper" and that was also the 'safety word' for if someone tried to get me into their car when I was a little kid by saying that my parents sent them.

Pet peeve: People who automatically assume you're doing a bad job.

Say something that’s never been said before: I, Andrew Root, am so totally dishwasher safe.

Can you touch your toes? Only if I've been good.

Do you dance? Yes!

Who’s hairier, you or me? Me, by a long shot. If you're hairier than me, you hide it very well.

Who’s sexier, myself, or Cameron Diaz? Geez, I'll need some golden apples to figure this one out.

Who’s sexier, myself, or James Cameron? As far as I know, you've never declared yourself the "King of the World" at an award show, so you. Definitively you.

Are you a part of PAR? The Personal Aerial Rescue? The company that sets out to restore and repair old broken TV antennae? You bet your ass I am!

Will you be a part of PAR? The People Against Roger Ebert? Yeah, ok. He always seemed kinda smug.

LAST QUESTION:

What is the air-speed velocity of an un-laden swallow? Oh god, just toss me into the Pit of Doom right now.

Here endeth the quiz. The more I think about it, the more I like the image of Kirsten that I have in my head. She says really random things sometimes, and it keeps me on my toes.

4) Luke & Erica. I might be stepping outside of my bounds here, but I really think that the air would smell better, water would taste sweeter, trees would multiply and flourish, and all the peoples of the world would be a little happier if Luke & Erica were a couple. And now I'm cutting myself off on the subject.

5) River Phoenix - I just saw "Stand By Me" for the first time, 1/2 yesterday and 1/2 today. It was really really good, and I was blown away by River Phoenix. At 12 years old he's better than many actors of three times his age and experience. His performance was so subtle and layered. It's a real tragedy that he died. I've been to the Viper room in L.A., outside of which River overdosed, but I didn't know it at the time. I wish I'd lingered more.

6) This Keyboard. I hate this keyboard. The upper left hand of it doesn't work too well, (ie/ you have to smash the keys to get them to work), so words like "When" frequently become "hn." I will have my vengeance.

There... only 2 1/3 hours left at this job, then a quick skip across town to work 7 1/2 hours at another place, yelling letters and numbers at a disoriented crowd of the Blue Rinse Brigade.