Free Writing 2

"You know the deal," she said and smiled.

He didn't smile. He only reached deep into the playground of his heart and trashed the swingset like some teen hoods might have done in the fifties. "Do you love me?" he asked to no one in particular. She took this to be her, and answered.

"I love things about you."

"Who asked you?"

"Didn't you?"

"Fuck off."

"Alright."

That was the last time they spoke. She gathered her pretentious purse and her garish keys and headed out the door on twenty-seven inch heels. Walking down Main St. she came upon a small shop run by an elderly Armanian man with no patience. She didn't go in.

Meanwhile, he was playing backgammon against himself, and was predictably losing. He thought to himself "If I'm losing, that must mean that I'm winning." Then he thought "But I'm losing more than I'm winning." Then he thought "My name is Claude Rains, but I can't ever hope to become invisible."

She forgot herself. Where was she? What was she doing? Why had she left? She turned around, but became dizzy and fell. She fell down a set of stairs into the subway which greatly inconvenienced the paramedics who had to come down to get her. She was taken to the hospital emergency ward and was asked who her next of kin was. She told them Claude was, though they had never been related.

Claude was in the shower when the phone rang. As such, he didn't answer it.

"Shit," she thought, and then said out loud. This was ridiculous and not to be tolerated. She was convinced that she had been sexually molested by the doctors while under the influence of narcotic pain killers, and so only trusted the nurses to care for her, though they lacked the proper training.

Claude awoke from his nap and set about trashing the apartment. He hated everything he saw, from his favourite lamp to his most hated broom. He smashed the windows, tore at the carpet, and broke the piano in two. Fourteen federal marshalls were called in, but they decided that there was no threat to national security and so went to see if the liquor store was open yet. They got shitfaced and attacked an old lady and her grand-daughter who were out walking the pomeranians. Claiming that the women were terrorists, the marshalls got off scot-free.

She forgot the nurse's name, which was embarrasing, seeing as only moments before she had declared her undying trust in the nurse, who's name was Maxine. "Max!" She shouted. "I fucking hate you Max!"

"That's fine, dear," said Maxine, reapplying her bandages and moistening her head cloth.

"I don't understand it all, Max," She said. "How did it happen?"

"You fell, sweetie." said Maxine

"Max! You're not listening! Where the fuck is Claude?"

"They still haven't been able to get a hold of him. He must be out."

"That asshole never goes out!" she screamed, weeping. Tears ran down her face with the force of a torrent. Maxine patiently wiped them away. "Oh god, I hope nothing happened to him."

"I'm sure he's fine, honey."

Claude was sitting in the basement masturbating and fighting with himself. "Stop it" he said.

"Why?"

"You're only making it worse."

"How?"

"You need to stop thinking about her when you jerk off."

"Why?"

"Because you jerk off a lot, which means that you're thinking about her a lot."

"Fuck off. I'm almost done."

"You'll never be done."

She sat up in her bed and screamed for Maxine, who came rushing along the corridor as quickly as she could manage.

"Yes, Sweetie?"

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. You had a bad fall."

"Where are my fucking legs?"

Maxine had to pause. "I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean, sweetie."

"My fucking legs! You cut them off, didn't you, you fucked up whore!"

"Now there's no need for that kind of language!" said Maxine. "You've still got your legs. They're just under your blanket. Now stop bein' a damn fool and don't call me again unless you really need me."

She fell back against her pillow and wept. 'Why am I here, Max?"

"Because no one's come to claim you yet. Have you had any luck in remembering your name?"

"Fuck off, Max," she said weakly and fell asleep.

Back at the apartment Claude was trying to play Clue, but he was two players short, and it was a really easy win. He hated Ms. Scarlet. Probably because she reminded him of her. It was really unfortunate, on a cosmic level that the two of them ended up in each other's lives.

In the end, he would never go to the hospital to pick her up. She and Maxine grew old together until Maxine retired and moved to Florida. She never remembered her name, but she picked a new one for herself. Seeing as it wasn't her real name there's no need to write it down here.