Respect In Pieces...

The Northern Life. A semi-weekly "newspaper" which is given out free of charge, and is read by old women who then throw it away. Younger people don't read it in the first place. My building gets a stack of these things dumped unceremoniously in the entrance way by a young boy on a bicycle every so often. On the cover of a recent issue was a picture of a young cadet yawning and rubbing his eyes in an effort to stay awake. The caption reveals that he is sitting through a memorial service for workers who have lost their lives on the job. The caption also mentions how several long speeches were made and the ceremony was very long in general. The headline reads "We've all been there."

Am I wrong to be fucking appalled by this? No, you know what? You're right, The Northern Life. Memorial services ARE boring, not to mention long winded. Who needs them? Dead people's troubles are over, so why should we bother commemorating them? Fuck 'em! The living have enough troubles. Troubles like staying awake! God damn, it's hard to stay awake these days. The Northern Life should have done a piece on someone who made it through the ceremony without falling asleep! That guy would be a hero worthy of commemoration.

"We at The Northern Life would like to pay tribute to Richard Insomnium for his courage in the face of overwhelming boredom at the recent Memorial day services. Not once did this man shlump in his seat, or nod off despite all the blah blah blahing about dead people. How did you do it Richard?"

"I doodled on a napkin throughout the ceremony!"

"Fantastic!"