Crafty Ad Execs.

Today I had a shower using only products which claimed to be "invigorating." Apparently "invigorating" means "hurts the user very slightly." Another possible slogan might be "The burning sensation tells you it's working." But I am invigorated by the fact that I survived the ordeal.

Besides, I have a really cute puppy, and today looks like it's going to be a good day. Fingers crossed!

p.s. If you haven't yet, check out Captain Lovejones M.D. Not only is it Pirate-tastic, but it gave me an excuse to try using a link in a post. Two birds, one stone. I told you this was turning into a good day.

A Treatise on Isobel

This evening I will be performing in what is quite possibly the finest theatrical production that I have ever been a part of. The name of this awe-inspiring work of art is "Isobel" and it was put together by the one, the only; Jenny Hazelton.

"Isobel" came into creation when Jenny had to create a fourth-year project encompassing the disciplines of art, music, theatre, and philosophy. Coming from a background of black-light theatre, Jenny decided to put on her own black light show. The process of black-light theatre is fairly simple. The performers are dressed head to toe in black fabric, and they manipulate puppets made from flourescent materials which glow under black light. Thus the puppets are seen, but the performers are invisible. It is a fascinating and challanging form of theatre, a medium in which countless things are possible. Originally, the show was going to be a minogle of different pieces set to music; a revue, if you will. But Jenny found inspiration in the music of Bjork; Iceland's eccentric pop-diva. Through ten songs, Jenny molded a story of the creation and destruction of the world.

Featured prominently is the figure of Isobel, a benevolent creator. Call her a god if you wish, but she is more than that. Isobel is born out of the cosmos, and herself gives shape and life to the Earth. From the mind of Isobel comes sun and rain, snow and ice, winter, spring, summer, and fall. Plants grow and flowers bloom. Seeds spread on the wind and populate the soil.

We switch quickly to an underwater scene where animal life is slowly emerging. Seaweed appears, accompanied by a clam. A sea horse frolics in the current. A turtle lazily munches a plant while fish of all shapes and sizes float back and forth.

But before long, things take an unexpected turn. A lone fish is hunted by threatening eyes in the dark. An octopus springs upwards, menacing the poor goldfish. A sting ray joins in the fray, and finally a great white shark appears. But all is not lost for the litle fish; he escapes thanks to his cunning and speed. Before long species are evolving faster than ever. Insects, reptiles, birds, mammals, and monkeys cavort and caper about, and presently humans appear. At first they appear harmless; dancing, celebrating, and generally fitting into the big picture. It is not long before the humans begin hunting animals for food, cutting down forests for housing, and expanding at a dangerously rapid pace. Isobel has noticed this and issues a warning to the humans; "If you forget my name, you will go astray." The humans, assured by their arrogance, ignore Isobel's warning and in a symbolic gesture, destroy her beautiful Tree of Hearts.

The humans continue to expand thir domain, venturing into industry. A frightning world of gears and wheels, they are soon a well oiled consumption machine, destroying all that lay in thir path. Isobel, in a desperate gesture to save all that she has created, destroys the humans' machines and cripples thier industry. But the humans have grown more powerful than she imagined. They rally and cut Isobel down, ripping her apart while simultaneously "processing" entire continents into toxic waste. The humans revel in their new god-like status, but this celebration is short lived. They have run out of natural resources, and Isobel is nowhere to be found. The machines of consumpion fail and break down.

When things seem their bleakest for the humans, a ray of hope shines; Isobel returns. Surely she will not allow her most precious creation to be destroyed! But some crimes are unforgivable. Isobel allows the humans a glimpse of what they took for granted; stars, plants and animals. The humans' greedy clutching after the lost creations only reinforces Isobel's disgust and she casts them away. Isobel is left alone to mourn the loss of her Earth, but possibly to start anew.

Chapters:

I. The Universe is Created - Headphones (Remix) - From Telegram
II. Isobel is Born and She Creates the Earth - Isobel - From Post
III. Seasons & Plant Life - Hyper-Ballad (String Quartet Version) - From Telegram
IV. Underwater Life Emerges - The Anchor Song - From Debut
V. Predator & Prey - Cover Me (Remix) - From Telegram
VI. Human Civilization - Human Behaviour - From Debut
VII. Isobel's Warning - Bachelorette - From Homogenic
VIII. Industry - Enjoy (Remix) - From Telegram
IX. Isobel is Destroyed - Pluto - From Homogenic
X. Isobel Returns - Joga - From Homogenic
XI. Curtain Call - New World - From Selmasongs

"Isobel" is simply amazing. I was lucky enough to be a performer for the as-of-now two shows which have been put on, and I hope to continue if the show is mounted again. It is incredibly gratifying to hear the audiences response to something which is so simple to accomplish, but looks so magical. For example; at the beginning of the show, the word "Isobel" is spelled out on the floor. The first thing that happens when the lights go down is that the performers come out in the black and pick up the letters. The audience applauded within the first ten seconds. The show was off to a miraculous start. We kept up the pace and recieved the only genuine standing ovation I've ever seen. It was a privilege to be a part of this show, and with any luck it can and will be mounted again.

Cast

Isobel performed by Jenny Hazelton

Puppeteers:

Spider Allen
Tova Arbus
Liz Buchannan
Jenn Galloway
Derek Girard
Erica Robinson
Andrew Root
Jason Simac
Stephanie Woolger

All puppets built by Jenny Hazelton. (110 in total)

Tome.

I'm almost at the mid-point of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, which I've been working on for almost a month now. What a good book! I've read it before, but the first time I was pretty impatient and skipped most of the songs and a good part of the last chapter. So I've slapped myself in the head and decided not to jump ahead over any parts this time, and thus get a fuller, richer experience. Man, it's just so vivid! I love how Tolkien will describe thoroughly a location before any action takes place. This way he doesn't have to stop the action to describe the path that the characters are running down, not to mention the picture it paints in your mind of a real world, brimming over with history, lore, and mythology.

The one thing that still irks me is how casual everybody is towards the Ring. It's like "You, Frodo Baggins have discovered the weapon of the Enemy. He needs only this ring to cover all the lands in a second darkness, and He knows a hobbit of the Shire is in possesion of this most deadly and seductive of artifacts. Since you have resolved to bear this heavy burden as far as you may and your mind is set on the task ahead, take seven or eight months to begin your journey."

I guess in the movies they coneyed a sense of urgency which is, shall we say, lacking in the books. But then the books have such excellent, evokative description that are hard to translate into film. But like ol' PJ himself said, "the films are not a literal translation. That would be impossible. Any films will only ever be an interpretation of the book."

In either case, if y'all have a few months of nothing to read and a fair chunk of patience in your corner, then may I suggest The Lord of the Rings.

The best interview ever.

This is Jack & Meg White interviewing each other about their new album "Get Behind Me, Satan." Fantastic work.

Meg - "jack are these songs about you?"
Jack - "no meg, they're about you."
Meg - "I wish"
Jack - "no you don't. you know I don't write about myself or my friends, let alone my sister."
Meg - "I thought maybe you made an exception after coming out of the closet."
Jack - (purrs)
Meg - "can you tell me a little bit about the album cover?"
Jack - "I don't know meg, can you tell me a little bit about the universe?"
Meg - "you want to talk quantum physics or quantum mechanics?"
Jack - "shut up"
Meg - "what does 'blue orchid' mean to you?"
Jack - "the same thing pizza means to you."
Meg - "jack, why can't you be cool?"
Jack - "because you're trying to trick me again!"
Meg - "jack the only trick I ever played on you was never tricking you at all."
Jack - "you're right."
Meg - "your voice sounds really high on this record like the old days."
Jack - "I noticed that too."
Meg - "want a cigarette?"
Jack - "shut up"
Meg - "was this album pleasant for you to make?"
Jack - "it's always pleasant to work with you meg"
Meg - "I know that, but did you enjoy yourself?"
Jack - "this album was cursed when we started, and then suddenly came around near the end. then I started to enjoy it, Remember?"
Meg - "yeah I remember."
Jack - "anything else you would like to know?"
Meg - "only if you're happy with the record."
Jack - "yes I am. I think it's our most dense sounding record yet. don't you?"
Meg - "shut up."
Jack - "want to make another one?"
Meg - "hmmmmmm ... with you?"
Jack - (purrs)

"The only trick I ever played on you was never tricking you at all." Astounding.

I hope these people don't die soon

That's right! I'm compiling a list of people I want to meet before either I die or they die. Maybe later I'll do a list of people that I wanted to meet but they've died already. In either case, perhaps this will motivate me to earn some money and get out into the world.

In no particular order:

-Lou Reed
-Tom Waits
-Jack & Meg White
-Lemony Snicket
-Terry Jones
-Michael Palin

Can't think of anyone else right now. It's late and I'm tired. Besides, there were several loud explosions behind my house today, and they were shocking. Cut me some slack.

A turn for the worst.... A political rant

Here's a sad day that I'll hear a lot about I'm sure. I'm going off on a short political rant. Damn the flames that will ensue! Into the valley of Death rode the guy in comfortable pants and a "Monkees" t-shirt.

I'm sick and damn tired of the people in charge of the U.S. right now. It's like they're trying to cram the States into a time machine and take them back to the '50's, and it's putting a cramp in my style! I read that the U.S. senate is in the midst of creating a bill that will ban "suggestive cheerleading" at high school events. As a wise sage of a friend of mine quipped "So.... no cheerleading at all?"

And where are the radicals? Where I ask you? Hunter S. Thompson is being shot out of a cannon over his ranch, and I can't think of another radical. How sad is that? Someone protest for god's sake! I'm incredibly tempted to arrange a trip to D.C. and throw a burning American flag over the White House fence or something. The beating from security personel that I'd recieve would almost be worth it. People might ask "What right do you have to protest? You're not even from the U.S.!" Well, have you ever seen the episode of The Simpsons where Homer wears a shirt that has a picture of Uncle Sam eating the world above a caption that reads "Try and Stop Us!" That epitomizes how I feel. How long until Jr. winds up on our doorstep with an order telling the Barenaked Ladies to cover up?

Damn censorship! Damn it I say! Long live the sub and counter cultures! Save us Allen Ginsberg!

Curse those damn pinstripes who argue fiercely for ultra-conservative values, and win their arguments because they made more of a stink. Equally, curse the damn wimpy liberals who let themselves be walked over! Fight for something important! Remember when the Dixie Chicks took a beating for bashing the war? "Un-American" they were branded with white-hot pokers. I thought America stood for free-speech. How wrong I was. How long are they going to keep calling themselves "The Greatest Nation in the World"? Last I checked, Norway was.

I read in a recent Rolling Stone someone describing America as being intensely proud of its ignorance. I'd believe it. It's sad, but I'd believe it.

Hopefully this rant will be the last of its kind. I'd prefer to keep this page about art, music, philosophy, films, and my perspective on things I enjoy, as opposed to things that irritate me. Blah! I need a young priest and an old priest.

By the way...... I hate the word "Blog." Could we change that?

What comes next?

I'm playing with this thing like it's a fire engine right out of the box on some Atlanta Christmas morning. I wonder how long it'll be before my interest peters out?

I'm making a CD right now, or at least I have been for some time. It can hold about 9 more minutes of music, and I'm not sure what else to use. It's heavy on The Shins and The Raveonettes, two freakishly good bands, and it's what one high school colleague once referred to as "Typically Root" in nature. For no good reason, I've decided to include the track list with my favourite lines from each song. Hey, why not?

1. Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine

"They will see us waving from such great heights
'Come down now', they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
'Come down now', but we'll stay"

2. Pink Bullets - The Shins

"Since then it's been a book you read in reverse
So you understand less as the pages turn
Or a movie so crass and awkwardly cast
That even I could be the star
I don't look back much as a rule."

3. The Rain Song - Led Zeppelin

"You are the sunlight in my growing
So little warmth I've felt before"

4. Volcano - Damien Rice

"What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea."

5. Sugar (live) - Tori Amos

"Sweet boy, when they find you out
Tell me what you think they'll do
Tell me what you think they'll do
When they find out
When they find you out
When they find out you're just a pussy."

6. Young Pilgrim - The Shins

"But I learned fast how to keep my head up
Cause I know there is this side of me that
Wants to grab the yolk from the pilot and just
Fly the whole mess into the sea."

7. Here Comes Mary - The Raveonettes

"Here comes Mary, all dressed in black
Her heart so heavy, a love attack."

8. Going to California - Led Zeppelin

"Find a queen without a king
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings
Bright white men at the footsteps of dawn
Trying to find a woman who's never been born."

9. New Slang - The Shins

"I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find
Without a trust or flaming fields am I too dumb to refine?
And if you'd have took to me like
Well I'd have danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would have fared well."

10. Overture - Bjork

Instrumental

11. Satellite - Amy Cambell

"And everytime you think the road is done
You turn around now and you're
Moving on
I get so tired of moving on."

12. One of These Things First - Nick Drake

"I could be here and now
I would be, I should be, but how?
I could have been one of these things first."

13. Kissing the Lipless - The Shins

"Called to see if your back was still aligned."

14. Love in a Trashcan - The Raveonettes

"If you touch that girl you know it's okay
People say she's a whore anyway
I think she looks like a nice vamp
Looking for love in a trash can."

15. Washing Machine - Sonic Youth

"Yeah, I took my baby down to the corner
And I bought him a soda pop
Cause he's so neat."

16. That Great Love Sound - The Raveonettes

"So I walk right up to you
And you walk all over me
And I ask you what you want
And you tell me what you need."

That's it for now. Perhaps this will be updated later on. I'ma go take my puppy for a walk in the park, because I'm feeling pretty fine today.

A retraction already

Geez, half an hour old, and I'm already making corrections in my little page.

Correction #1) It was not, in fact Luke and his pirate friend who first introduced me to this hip new thing, but indeed it was Jason Simac and his potogold theatre who should be given credit for "breaking me in." Perhaps after this whole messy business I can get on with sharing profound thoughts with the people, whomsoever they may be.

Thoughts like this one: We should bring back the use of apostrophies instead of letters in words. Like so: ne'er. or o'er. Is it just "v" that gets omitted? Because if so, that's discrimination and we shouldn't.

The End.

Testing the waters with my littlest toe.

Okie dokie.... let's get rolling.

So I was at work conveniently not working, when I happened across my pal Luke online who pointed me towards a pirate's website, and after a while of perusing said pirate's personal journals and records of his adventures, as well as those of his confidants and allies, I figured, what the heck, I may as well join the internet revolution. I hear from the kids that it's the newest rage.

I always feel obligated whenever I start something like this to spout out tonnes and tons of personal information to give the reader some sort of feel for who I am. Well Eff That! I'm leaving everyone guessing, including myself. Besides, the only people who will probably read this are Me, and a few scattered friends.

That's it for now. Go do something outside. I'm told it's wonderful.