Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

Know why Star Wars Episodes 1 - 3 suck? Because before they came out no one would have dreamed of portraying Darth Vader this way, but now it seems perfectly plausible.



Hee hee hee... "panda bear"...

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EDIT
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Ok, so that one's not working any more. Please check here for a site that doesn't care as much about copyright infringement.

Is it weird for an entire neighbourhood to smell like root beer?

Better late than never!

A while back I posted a call for photo requests, as I was bored. I didn't finish them all, but here's the results, or as close as I'll get, because I probably won't work on it any more.

The Newly New Zealanded Natty-Pants said:

As for photo requests, how about:
1) you trying to (and failing - since it's impossible) lick your elbow, or licking somebody else's elbow.


No one would let me lick their elbow, and it's really hard to frame a shot of you licking your own elbow. As such, I balked.

2)you either succeeding or failing in touching your nose with your tongue


Better blurry than non-existant!

3) you or someone you know going down a slide

For the life of me I couldn't find a slide anywhere!

4) you or someone you know doing the splits (or coming as close to doing the splits as possible)

A picture of me standing upright with my legs together?

5) a picture of nora sleeping

Completely impossible. She's not the kind of dog who will go on sleeping peacefully when someone comes in the room. But here's my closest attempt.



6) a picture of a bird, any bird, in any location



7) a picture of a daisy made completely of socks



8) a picture of a penny making sweet love to a quarter in any location


Sorry for the bluriness. It's still hot though.

9) a picture of the sky



10) a picture of you or someone you know balancing an object on your head

When the call for pictures went out there was no one at home (hence the call for pictures in the first place) and I couldn't frame a shot and balance something on my head at the same time. As such, here is a penguin balancing a piece of paper on his head.


You'll note he's not too pleased about it.

Anonymous said...

I would like you to try and capture the essence of our patriarchal culture in one shot only.

Bonne chance!


Um.... OK.... here it is:


That's right. A long, dark hallway leading to a vaguely phallic symbol. Enjoy!

Angelo said...

I request a photo of a memento from a play you've been in. If you have none, I would like to see your DVD collection. Go!



It also would have been more work to gather all my DVD's into one place, so no. Come over if you want to see it.

The (living?) end!

I hear they have a new album in the works using donated guitars.

Respect In Pieces...

The Northern Life. A semi-weekly "newspaper" which is given out free of charge, and is read by old women who then throw it away. Younger people don't read it in the first place. My building gets a stack of these things dumped unceremoniously in the entrance way by a young boy on a bicycle every so often. On the cover of a recent issue was a picture of a young cadet yawning and rubbing his eyes in an effort to stay awake. The caption reveals that he is sitting through a memorial service for workers who have lost their lives on the job. The caption also mentions how several long speeches were made and the ceremony was very long in general. The headline reads "We've all been there."

Am I wrong to be fucking appalled by this? No, you know what? You're right, The Northern Life. Memorial services ARE boring, not to mention long winded. Who needs them? Dead people's troubles are over, so why should we bother commemorating them? Fuck 'em! The living have enough troubles. Troubles like staying awake! God damn, it's hard to stay awake these days. The Northern Life should have done a piece on someone who made it through the ceremony without falling asleep! That guy would be a hero worthy of commemoration.

"We at The Northern Life would like to pay tribute to Richard Insomnium for his courage in the face of overwhelming boredom at the recent Memorial day services. Not once did this man shlump in his seat, or nod off despite all the blah blah blahing about dead people. How did you do it Richard?"

"I doodled on a napkin throughout the ceremony!"

"Fantastic!"

It was just like being here, only you could hear me.

Coming soon to a dial near you.

Thursday June 22, 2006.

CKLU 96.7 FM.

12:00am - 2:30am.

The radio premiere of "Sleepwalking," a programme by Andrew J Root.

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EDIT
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I guess technically it starts on Friday the 23rd, doesn't it?

Also of note:



FIRST PRIZE!!

Happiness is...

And it's ***thiiiiiiiiissssss*** close to being paid for!

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Wilco
Death Cab For Cutie
The Raconteurs
The Flaming Lips
Ween
The Shins
Sonic Youth
Ben Kweller
Thievery Corporation
Sleater-Kinney
Blues Traveler
Broken Social Scene
The New Pornographers
Iron & Wine
Coheed and Cambria
She Wants Revenge
The Dresden Dolls
Reverend Horton Heat
Stars
Blackalicious
Editors
Calexico
Feist
Wolfmother
The Subways
Of Montreal
The Rapture
Rainer Maria
Boy Kill Boy
Jim Noir
The Standard
Elvis Perkins
Midlake
The Bon Mots....

Among others!

Or does it look more impressive this way:

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wilco, Death Cab For Cutie, The Raconteurs, The Flaming Lips, Ween, The Shins, Sonic Youth, Ben Kweller, Thievery Corporation, Sleater-Kinney, Blues Traveler, Broken Social Scene, The New Pornographers, Iron & Wine, Coheed and Cambria, She Wants Revenge, The Dresden Dolls, Reverend Horton Heat, Stars, Blackalicious, Editors, Calexico, Feist, Wolfmother, The Subways, Of Montreal, The Rapture, Rainer Maria, Boy Kill Boy, Jim Noir, The Standard, Elvis Perkins, Midlake &
The Bon Mots, AMONG OTHERS!!!

Oh shit. I mean, darn. No, I mean shit.

My CKLU training is complete! Alls I need to do is email the program manager and set up a time slot and I'll be on the airwaves! Woot!

Today's training went pretty well. Thanks to anyone who tuned in and heard me program a song which contained the "f" word. Whoops! And here I thought Tori's "Northern Lad" was such a sweet song. But then, who doesn't like hearing "fuck" on a Sunday afternoon? I don't think anyone noticed, to be honest. I just hope some old lady wasn't channel surfing at that very moment.

Summertime Blues

Dear world in general/anyone who comes here on a semi-regular basis,

I've become the "go-to guy" at work for giving up shifts to, and seeing as everyone and their dog is going away on vacation I'm working like said dog. I was on 6 days this week, and I'll be on 6 days next week. This could become a regular thing for the next little while.

So expect more minor posts like the two... or three below and if you've emailed me in the last little while (or last long while) I've got it, and I'll email you on my day off.

Sincerely,
A.J.R.t.1.

p.s. Oh yeah! If you live in the greater Sudbury area and are going to be bored between 4 and 6 tomorrow (Sunday) then tune in to CKLU 96.7fm to hear me doing some training on air! It'll most likely be dead air... "um"..... dead air. But there will be good music between bursts of me going "Ok, um, that was...."

Coming Soon!

I'm excited for this.

Are YOU???

"We need to put our heads together."

"If we put our heads together you'll hear a hollow noise."

*snicker*

It's not funny if I have to explain it.

The universal response to the following cartoon has been "I don't get it."



And frankly, I don't "get" that response.

Nora vs. Foot

I've always said that Nora's favourite toy is someone's foot. I'm not sure why, it's just a tick she has. Anyway, here's my first attempt at a video post: Nora fights with Foot and then eventually they make good.



Note the crazed look in her eye.

What's wrong with me?

The thought that just crossed my mind, and made me fear for my ability to function:

"The air smells nice today. Maybe I should ride my bike to work. Maybe I should drive to work with the windows down."

A cry from the soul. A howl, really.

My first (and only) photo request prompted the following results:

"Art #1" by Andrew Root (Commissioned by Liz Buchanan)



Help me waste time! I'm all alone for the weekend! More photo requests! I have the time to create elaborate setups and photo manipulations! FOR GOD'S SAKE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO!

The Canon has landed

J'ai un camera digital! (And an incredibly fractured grasp on the French language)

In either case, I am now the proud owner of an Canon Powershot A620, featuring 7.1 megapixels, 20 different shooting modes, and various other features (Like a wrist strap!). So here are the results of the first hour and a half of owning this fine piece of equipment:



















Did everyone notice Jenny's new haircut?

So you know what this means: Photo requests! Submit them, and I shall accord!

On a related note: Blogger sucks for putting up photos. For some unknown reason, it doesn't put them where you tell it to, but always at the beginning of the post. And if you upload more than one at a time, it puts them in a completely random order. More work than is necessary, I tells you whippersnappers!

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And some more that I took in the morning. I am officially obsessive, and will be posting lots and lots of pictures in the next little while, so get used to the idea.
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If this were in French, it would be "ennui." As such it's "blah blah blah"

A strange combination of the deadly papaya fruit and strong sunlight has given lucky ol' me a rash on my face. It's going away, thanks largely to the layer of vitamin E paste I have applied to myself at every available minute, and though I know it's not too bad, I still feel like the Elephant Man, or the Man without a face, or some other self loathing bullshit. Whatever the case, keep cameras away from me!

And speaking of cameras (nice segue, Andrew) my folks, for graduation, gave me some dough to get a digital camera with! Once I explained to them that dough cannot be used as legal tender, they replaced it with some money. So now I'm in the market! I'd like on that can take pictures like the ones in here, so I may end up just robbing El Presidente. I went out looking the other day, but nothing seemed quite right. So I'll keep looking.

Nora looks like someone tried to kill her. She's got this puink (that's pink/punk) collar which runs like the six-million dollar man when it's wet, so when she got out of the lake the other day, she had a ring of pink fur around her neck. It has not gone away, and won't for a while. In the mean time, she looks like someone strangled her or cut her throat. But she's fine, I promise.

And on a completely random note, I saw Leslie Burke's underwear tonight because her skirt is too short, and she's an exhibitionist. Leslie's strange. We determined tonight that she has problems with men because she constantly says and does sexually suggestive things (ie/ the skirt thing) which makes men think things like "Yeah! She's horny! She wants it! I'm going to put my penis in her vagina! Yeah!" When actually, she might not want anything in her vagina at all! So the problem is not that she'll say "Look at this!" and then bend over provocatively, it's that "guys" make the assumptive leap that she's presenting a target. Yes? Yes... I think. Meh. She's a character.

Lord, I was born a ramblin' man. Let's close things off with a lyric of the week:

When I got to the party of special things to do
I met all the cards
Who were the cards?
The wild cards
The red queen
The one-eye jill
You know what I mean

Six, Six, Oh.... Six.

HAAAAAAAAAPPY DEVIL DAY EVERYBODY!!!

To celebrate the unholiest day around (except for the actual year 6 AD) I'm watching The Exorcist for the first time tonight, as soon as it gets dark out! Anyone wishing to scare themselves silly with me, there's still time to join in!

To celebrate further, here are some pictures of the devil: