"Breadfruit this with me."

I am in the middle of the most surreal conversation I think I've ever had. Here's the set-up:

A long while ago someone added me to their MSN list. The email looked semi-familiar so I just assumed it was someone I hadn't talked to in a really long time. But lately I've been wondering... Just who is this person? So tonight I said hello, and who are you? Here is the transcript of the following conversation. Nothing has been changed, but editorial comments have been added.

Andrew says:
Hello, This may seem strange, but you've been on my MSN list for a while now and for the life of me, I can't remember who you are!

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yerana

Andrew says:
Ok, you'll have to forgive me but I'm still struggling... How do we know each other?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
na entendei mba'eve (no Spanish translation available)

(Long Pause)

Andrew says:
Do you speak English?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yes yes

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
rapo

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
raul

Andrew says:
Where did we meet?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
no (animated nodding smiley)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
soy la novia de piratita (Translation: I am the pirate's fiance)

Andrew says:
You're the Pirate's Fiance?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yes

Andrew says:
Who is the Pirate?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
are you raul on the rocks?

Andrew says:
No, I'm Andrew... on a chair.

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
y a mi que ?? (Translation: And that??)

Andrew says:
I don't really speak Spanish all that well...

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
you got to largar your join (Larger = to release)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
capeshe?

Andrew says:
Largar?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yes, epo'i chugui man (No translation available)

Andrew says:
Dude, no idea what that means.

Andrew says:
Where are you?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
at home

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
you?

Andrew says:
I'm at my home. Are you in Canada?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
i'm in lomapyta, are you supos to be in remansito? (Lomapyta and Remansito are two towns in Paraguay)

Andrew says:
No, I'm in Canada, in North America. Are you in Paraguay?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
que?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
is Adriana?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
ia adri weth you nowW

Andrew says:
I'm really confused...

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
no, you aren't confuced, you are stoned

Andrew says:
haha, um... ok, let's try again... What is your name?

(Long pause)

Andrew says:
Are you still there?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yes

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
my name is esther

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
i'm claudio's girlfriend

Andrew says:
I don't think I know who Claudio is

Andrew says:
Do you know who I am? Or is this really random?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yerana raul berton

Andrew says:
No, that's not my name

Andrew says:
My name is Andrew. I live in Canada

Andrew says:
I can't figure out how we know each other

Andrew says:
Did we meet somewhere?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
barrabas. black rooster and many more

Andrew says:
When was that?

(Another long pause. At this point I gave up trying to make sense)

Andrew says:
Will the Pirate be angry with me for talking with you?

(pause.)

Andrew says:
How is Claudio?

(pause.)

Andrew says:
I like your butterfly picture.

(pause.)

Andrew says:
Did you leave?

(pause.)

Andrew says:
Hello?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
hello

Andrew says:
What is your favourite colour?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
black

Andrew says:
What is your favourite animal?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
the tiger

Andrew says:
Do you like to travel?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
no

Andrew says:
How old are you?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
16

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
you?

(Long pause as I consider if I've said or implied anything illegal. Clean. Proceeding with caution...)

Andrew says:
I'm 25. We don't know each other, do we?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yes

Andrew says:
How?

Andrew says:
Are we friends?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
(Animated .gif of two men rocking out on the guitar)

Andrew says:
Do you play guitar?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
bass guitar

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
like you

(Pause for regrouping)

Andrew says:
Ok, here's what's going on Esther. There has been a mix-up, and we don't really know each other.

(Long pause)

Andrew says:
Do you live in Paraguay?

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
yes

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
(Animated .gif of metalhead rocking out)

Andrew says:
Do you know where Canada is?

(Long pause)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
me aburris (No translation)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
chau (No translation)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
bye

Andrew says:
ok, goodbye Esther... whoever you are.

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
viste que entendes español (Approximate translation: it dresses that entendes Spanish)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
te pille too (Translation: too pillages to you)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
raul

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
saludos a adri (greetings to adri)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
bye

Andrew says:
Tell claudio I said Hello

Andrew says:
bye

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
dalep (No translation)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
aca esta conmigo (breadfruit this with me)

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
te manda saludos tambien (it also sends greetings to you)

Andrew says:
I don't speak Spanish, so I don't know what that means.

"Esther"= Strellita!!! says:
ok

Andrew says:
ok

(The End?)

Friday thoughts

Hello there patrons of the internet,

I'm just home from my first week of 9-5 at my new job. I think it's safe to say without a hint of bravado that I am a shining light of professionalism in my training class. I hope it gets me a raise, but it probably won't. I think legally saying anything more will get me terminated (were this a real websight on a real computer, and not a colouring book taped to a broken typewriter), so contact me in person and I'll dish.

Related, but non-disclosing and thus non-liable, is that I found out today that we are allowed to choose our own desktop backgrounds on our work computers. Therefore, I spent my 15 minute breaks looking for something very appropriate, and finally settled on the following:



Which, in retrospect, might be inappropriate, but considering what other people have up, is no less strange or out of place. So Luke Norton now adorns my work station, but he is not called Luke Norton, oh no. You see, just prior to selecting Mr. Norton's photo for my wallpaper, I gave my computer a name tag which reads "Hello, my name is Yankee Mike," named for the first two phonetic characters of the machine's serial number. So now people ask how Yankee Mike would handle situations or what he would say about training procedures. On one occasion, someone said to the trainer (who was being an angel in diligently explaining some facet of the company's policies), "I don't know what Yankee Mike would say about that," and was greeted with a look of curious stupification. It was pretty much the only time I wasn't wishing to be surrounded by a different group of people.

Should Mr. Norton (aka Yankee Mike) wish me to remove the picture from the system's computer at any time on the grounds that it's weird or creepy, he may feel free to contact me and it will be off like a new groom's shoes.

It being Friday and having an actual "weekend" to look forward to, I took a detour on the way home to a local coffee shop, drank tea, sat by the window and read a good (albeit unexpectedly dark at times) book while listening to very decent and atmospheric music. Here are some highlights, though not the whole boring list:

Dead Letter and the Infinite Yes - Wintersleep

Still True - Feist

You're Drifting - Oneida

Like Spinning Plates - Radiohead

Baby Doll - Cat Power

It was one of those grand days when my iPod knew just what kind of music would suit the air around me.

I have planned a trip around the world. Please see the route below.



A few things: multiple stops in one country generally indicate that I want to travel around in that country (ie/ I'm not certain I HAVE to see Perth Australia, but I'd like to get a flavour of that area, perhaps more than saying in one of the major cities can provide), but in some cases there are definitely certain cities I'd like to see (ie/ Moscow/St. Petersburg). So here we go!

Starting in Peterborough, drive to Toronto.

Take the train out to Vancouver

Fly to San Francisco to see people whose acquaintance I briefly but warmly made in Paris

Fly to New Zealand

Fly to Australia

Fly to Tokyo, Japan, probably for only one or two days. I think that's all I could handle, but this schedule is loosy goosy, so who knows?

Take a ship up to Vladivastok

Ride the train or fly to Moscow

Train to St. Petersburg

Train into Warsaw

Train to Amsterdam

Train down to Italy. It doesn't matter too much where I go in Italy, but I've listed Rome here for the sake of ease.

Fly or take a ship over to Spain (which ever is cheaper). Similar situation to Italy, doesn't make too much difference which parts I see.

Train over to Andorra (Andorra doesn't get enough credit. I bet it's beautiful there)

Train up to Paris for a good few days.

Fly to London

Train or drive to Newport

Fly or take a ship over to Ireland. Explore THOROUGHLY.

Fly over to Iceland. If a ship is feasible, TAKE A SHIP TO ICELAND.

Fly to New York to see some more Parisian people.

Take the train back to Toronto.

Drive home to Peterborough.

You may notice that I have no destinations in South America or Africa listed. This is for two reasons. The first is that South America doesn't really interest me. The second is that if I ever get up the courage to go to Africa that will be a trip all on it's own.

So once I win the lottery, I'll get right on that! Want to come? We're sleeping outdoors at least once on every continent!

And finally, I am starting to make a mental list. It will be one of those "101 things to do in 1001 days." So stay tuned.

Gotta go move some chairs.

p.s. Tomorrow is the first day of the Peterborough Folk Festival. I can't take it all in, but I do have room in my schedule for a band called "Ghost Bees." I am SO excited to see them, whoever they are! Ghost Bees! Couldn't you just?

Man, can that girl work a vocal...

"Back Of A Truck"

She lifted the monument in her monumental arms
She was the Mother Superior with her carry-on luggage charms
She was this androgynous powder nosed girl next door
She had eaten her dog and she was back for more
Back for more, back for more
Oh she was back for more, some more, yes please, some more

Her gym teacher thought himself a sweat-socked demi-god
And her geraniums thought themselves an alien pod
And her front porch gave way beneath the classified weight
And when an ambulance came they said it's much too late
Oh it's much too late, oh it's much too, much too late
Oh it's much too late, how late? Very late, too late.

Now the people of New Guinea and the people of L.A.
Have been penpals for years cause they both hate ballet
Only the pandas and bears have made a clean get away
But the news bulletin claims it is gonna be okay
Now Miss Lucy had a sweat shop where the immigrants work
Problem was they all turned to pumpkins at the 12 o'clock stroke
Promptly confiscated by police precinct number X
That was when alien geraniums entered into a fight
No violence, of course, no violence, no violence, of course
Hey no violence, of course, of course, why yes, of course
I mean, I mean, of course, why yes, of...of course

Here the story gets hazy and the hair gets too long
And the T.V. gets quiet as I hear a real bad song
The mothers get whiskey and the girlfriends get tongue
And there's a back of a truck selling smoke free lungs
And there's a back of a truck selling alien pods
And there's a back of a truck selling game show hosts
And there's a back of a truck selling the souls of the dead
And there's a back of a truck selling crumb free bread
This is New York!
Now there's a back of a truck selling the back of a car
And there's a back of a car selling road way maps
And there are road way maps selling a back of a head
Hey how much for that back of a head, man?
Hey wait a minute, hey wait a minute
Wait a minute that's...wait a minute that's my back of a head
Hey you can't sell that, man, that's my back of a head
Hey, hey sell it back to me, man, sell it back to me
Hey it's, it's my m-m-m-m-m-m-mine

She lifted the monument in her monumental arms
She was the Mother Superior with her carry-on luggage charms
She was this androgynous powder nosed girl next door
She had eaten her dog and she was back for more
She had eaten her dog, D-O-W-G
She had eaten a dog, d-d-dog, d-d-dog, dog, dog, dog
She had eaten a...eaten a...eaten...eaten her...ooooh
Mmmmmm...mmmm...mmm
Ohhhh...ohhh....ohhhh
Ooooh....ooooooh...ooooh
Some more, yes please, some more
Some more, yes please, some more

I can't believe they let us watch this show...

The "Yackety-Yack" Yaks have long been a favourite cartoon character of mine.

Deadline.

Tonight I joined a book club/writer's circle with two local young women. I had planned to create a book club since moving back to Ptbo, and so went online to post an ad. On the line, I saw another ad which was almost word for word what I was going to post, so I responded to that, and tonight we had our first meeting.

In one month we will be meeting to discuss Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones, which I had been wanting to read anyways, so this all works out! Following that will be Haruki Murikami's South of the Border, West of the Sun (my choice) and finishing off this round will be Gregory David Roberts' Shantaram.

Also, at my prompting, we are going to meet again in two weeks time with some piece of writing to share. I did not really think that one through, as I don't have anything at the moment. Luckily, we are all in the same boat that way. They both said they'd probably just toss something off the night before, which is fair. No one's expecting masterpieces the first night. We all seem fairly enthusiastic about being able to have a creative outlet, and hopefully this will be a supportive, helpful environment. I think it will be. I hope it will be.

So now the pressure's on. I've got two weeks to do... something. With any luck, this will be just what I need.

Your malapropism for the day

There is a sewing shop I walk past on a semi-regular basis (it's on the way to the video rental place), and every time I pass it I read the sign incorrectly.

"Birgit's Sewing Shop" becomes "Bigtits Sewing Shop." And every time, without fail, I try to figure out the correlation between big tits and sewing supplies before realizing that I read the sign wrong. And then I think about making a post similar to this one in an effort to exorcise this Freudian slip from my mind. Maybe by openly acknowledging the situation I can put it to rest.

Or maybe I just have other things on my mind...

Interview

Oh wow.

I just finished watching the film "Interview," directed by Steve Buscemi, based on the Dutch film of the same name. It starred Buscemi and Sienna Miller as interviwer and interviewee, respectively. He is a political correspondent used to covering wars, impeachments, and the like. She is a movie star more famous for who she's sleeping with than anything she's done (ie/ the "Killer Bunny" movies). After a disastrous initial interview in which he admits outright that he has never seen any movie she's been in, and she tells him to fuck himself and storms out, he bonks his head and ends up back at her apartment with a bag of frozen peas on his noggin, followed by 90 fascinating minutes of intricately revealed character development.

The movie is fantastically acted. Like her character, I only knew Sienna Miller by reputation (unfavorable at that), but man has that gal got chops! I have to hand it to anyone who can deliver the following line without overdoing it:

"I'm not crazy Pierre, I just want to kill you!"

There was little doubt as to whether or not Steve Buscemi would deliver, and deliver he did. Both characters are so complex and realistic and human, you never know how to feel about them at any given point. I'm forming a post-film bond with both of them right now. Pardon my gushing. In fact, I don't have much else to say. Just... wow. Well, one more thing, in the paragraph that follows:

This is my new test movie. If I show you this movie, I'm testing your reaction to see if you have good taste in films.

Oh yeah, and this film is incredibly stageable. It would be so much fun to direct this for the stage. I wonder how much the rights would cost...



Is it weird to be this enthused by subtlety?

Some Awesome Things for Today

Hello world!

The good mood fairy is smiling on me today, so here's some of that for all y'all:

Ran into two people (on separate occasions) on the street today that I haven't seen since high school! Both encounters began with the other person saying "Andrew?" and then a big hug! I'm glad people like hugging people they haven't seen in six or seven years.

Talked to another friend online for the first time in a long time. It was a conversational hug!

Starting a book club on Monday! I wanted to start such a club since being back home, and I found someone who was already in the midst of like-minded recruiting, so I signed up! I bought a note book to go along with the club. Anyone who knows me know that the day I buy a new notebook will be a very good day. Also it gave me an excuse to look through boxes of packed away books which was like Christmas.

It's this lady's birthday today!



Someone I haven't spoken to since high school is getting married today!

My sister is getting married in less than a week!

Anything else the world would like to inform me of that is great and awesome? I'm in the mood to hear it!

The good kind of musical.

Here are a few scenes from one of my new favourite movies. If you haven't seen it, I am officially twisting your arm!


And these are the guys from SPINAL TAP! Apparently, when touring as Tap, they would open for themselves as The Folksmen, regularly getting booed off the stage.


The best thing about this performance is when you see the movie you realize this squeaky clean bunch consists of a runaway, a former adult movie star, a man who believes he was abused musically as a child (the last two are married and worship colour. It's a long story), and an old man who's microphone doesn't even have a cord.


Mitch and Mickey are so damn sweet... Like, they could do this for real! Playing the auto-harp is a lost art.


This is from the "television special" that was on the DVD. It's too bad they don't really focus on the amount of energy that Parker Posey is throwing out there. Again, see the movie!

See it!

Oh yeah, it's called "A Mighty Wind." Don't rent it. BUY it. It has unlimited re-watching potential.