Awkward silence

I feel like I should say something, but I don't really have anything to say. Would anyone listen? Until I can articulate this mass of crap that is my brain, I am going to gorge myself on the fat of your sites, listen to some really good music, then maybe have a nap.

3 assignments due this week. One semi-prepared, the other 2 not even touched.

p.s. Am I the only one who isn't really interested in the Olympics?

2:41am

I haven't quite gone to bed yet.

Lonesome Cowboy Bill

This looks like a good movie. And it was directed by this guy:



That is all.

Daily recap

I spent the entire day in my pyjamas, or some variation thereof. I went outside twice. I've been making an elaborate Power Point slideshow for a dramatic presentation likening the story of Noah's ark to Hitler's rise to power in the 30's. My retinas hurt. I can't quite figure out why I'm still in front of a screen. Probably because there's nothing else to do at present.

If you want to listen to the music I'm listening to, here it is:

Let's Build a Home - The White Stripes (De Stijl)
Tick - Yeah Yeah Yeah's (Fever To Tell)
The Engine Driver - The Decemberists (Picaresque)
Bukowski - Modest Mouse (Good News For People Who Love Bad News)
Anthems for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl - Broken Social Scene (You Forgot It In People)
Kid A - Radiohead (Kid A)
Stella was a Diver and She was Always Down - Interpol (Turn On The Bright Lights)
New Slang - The Shins (Oh, Inverted World)
Parting Gift - Fiona Apple (Extraordinary Machine)
Words So Leisured - Franz Ferdinand (Franz Ferdinand)
Store Bought Bones - The Raconteurs (Broken Boy Soldiers)
The View - Modest Mouse (Good News For People Who Love Bad News)
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeah's (Fever To Tell)
Dinner Bells - Wolf Parade (Apologies To The Queen Mary)
Monday Monday Monday - Tegan & Sara (If It Was You)

I feel as though today has been wasted.

A Dialogue for Two (2nd draft)

Second draft! Not a whole lot new, but some changes have been made. For anyone who doesn't want to read it all over again, I've bolded the parts that are new/changed. Still no ending.

Here goes:
*******************************
Characters:

1 - A man who thinks he knows who he is. He asks questions with irony.

2 - A woman who knows who she is. She asks questions with sincerity.
********************

1. Hi.

2. (pause) Hi.

1. I'm 1. What's your name?

2. 2.

1. I thought you looked like a 2.

2. Really.

1. Yeah. (pause) Yeah. So. (pause)

2. Well, we do seem to be the only two here.

1. Yeah, it appears so.

2. (pause) What if we don't get along?

1. I hadn't thought about that. You seem nice.

2. You don't even know me. (pause) And I don't really know you either. You were sitting over there for a long time. What were you doing?

1. That's a great scarf, by the way.

2. Thanks.

1. Did you make it?

2. No. (pause) What were you doing over there?

1. Nothing.

2. It seems like you wouldn't have been there if you had been doing nothing. You'd have been elsewhere.

1. I don't really feel like talking about it.

2. Ok. (pause)

1. I was trying to draw you.

2. (pause) Can I see?

1. No. (pause) No, I don't think that's a good idea.

2. Why not?

1. What if you don't like it? Then we're stuck here together with you not liking my drawing, but maybe pretending to because you don't want to hurt my feelings, or maybe it's worse; maybe you don't care about hurting my feelings.

2. Do you think I'm really like that?

1. Well, I don't really know you.

2. I think I'm going to have to see it.

1. Why?

2. Because nothing happens if I don't.

1. What do you mean? Plenty happens.

2. Like what?

1. Like- like what? Like this! Look at the inherent drama of the situation. You want something, I'm not inclined to give it to you. It's conflict. It's drama. It's tension.

2. It's not dramatic tension. Am I naked? In your picture I haven't got any clothes on, have I?

1. (pause) Don't be preposterous.

2. You've rendered me nude so as to stimulate your desires. You want to make love to me in many different ways.

1. That's not true at all.

2. No, it's not. You want to make love like a 20 second clip from a pornographic film. You want an orgasm, and you want me to be completely satisfied in less than half a minute.

1. That's not fair. You don't know me.

2. No, I don't really, do I?

1. You're the kind of person who watches someone drop something on the street and doesn't return it to them.

2. You're the kind of person who hears about a band and then goes out and buys the EP to look like you heard of the band before anyone else. But what you don't realize is that you bought the re-issue.

1. You aren't naked.

2. Am I wearing the scarf? I lied. I did make it, by the way.

1. Why did you lie?

2. (pause) Because I'm a liar. It's a character trait. It's just something I do. Not all the time, but I do lie.

1. Do you smoke?

2. The two don't go hand in hand.

1. Just making conversation. (pause) You aren't wearing the scarf.

2. Ah.

1. I didn't mean it like that. You really aren't naked.

2. Mmm. I don't really feel like thinking about it.

1. But you're not.

2. Are my breasts exposed?

1. No.

2. (pause) Hm.

1. Your shoulder is exposed.

2. The left or the right?

1. The left. My left.

2. My right.

1. I suppose so. It's in how you look at it.

2. No it isn't. (pause) May I see the drawing now?

1. I'd prefer not.

2. Well, I don't really want to see it anymore. (pause) All the drama has fizzled out of this situation.

1. I'm sorry.

2. Why?

1. I must seem disappointing. And here you are stuck with me.

2. I suppose I could exit.

1. I like your glasses.

2. Thank you.

1. They go nicely with your hair.

2. (pause) What a peculiar thing to say.

1. I think that one without the other wouldn't work.

2. I couldn't let it down?

1. Not if you wanted to keep the same effect.

2. I wasn't aware I created an effect.

1. It's unmistakable!

2. Did it make you want to draw me?

1. (pause) Yes.

2. I don't think I really want to talk about this anymore.

1. You aren't naked.

2. Yes I am. And more than likely I've got a finger in my vagina.

1. Please.

2. Do I? You'd know.

1. I'm not going to discuss this.

2. Why don't you want to talk about my vagina? You want to put your fingers in it, but not talk about it?

1. You're an odd duck.

2. Spelled with an "f."

1. I don't get it. (pause) Do you come here often?

2. Only when I have to. (pause) Have we started over?

1. Just making conversation.

(pause)

2. Vagina.

1. Please don't.

2. Have you ever been to the Vagina Monologues?

1. Once.

2. You left during the "cunt" chanting part.

1. I left.

2. Why?

1. You aren't naked.

2. Then why won't you show it to me?

1. I will show it to you. It's just not very good. (pause) I will.

2. I don't really want to see it that much.

1. It's just your shoulder.

2. That's right. It's my shoulder.

1. I'm sorry.

2. If you were sorry you never would have done it in the first place.

1. That's not fair. How was I to know you'd react?

2. I have to react.

1. Why?

2. I don't have a choice.

1. You could have been flattered.

2. Liars don't get flattered. They recognize that most flattering is just lying. (pause) You play up the positive and sweep the negative under the rug.

1. (pause) That's not lying in the stricted sense.

2. Enjoy your EP, do you?

1. Pardon?

2. You're not interested in me at all. You're just arguing because there's nothing else to do.

1. What do you want to do?

2. I don't want to do anything. I don't want anything from you.

1. Then what are we doing here? (pause) I've stopped enjoying this. (pause) Here. Please take the drawing.

2. No thank you. Just set it down or something.

1. You're the kind of person who drops a quarter when they're counting their change and thinks "Oh well."

2. And I suppose you're the kind of person who thinks something like that is symbolic.

1. You don't know me.

2. I think I do. You're the kind of person whose password is always "password" because you give the crooks too much credit. You think you're safe because you think you're clever.

1. I don't think I'm safe.

2. Do you think you're clever?

1. Do you think I'm not?

2. (pause) Do you think you're dangerous?

1. Do you?

2. Vagina.

1. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop.

2. I do now.

1. You're the kind of person who wears sweaters with pockets over the breasts. Then you keep money in them so you can watch people watch you feel yourself up as you look for the proper change.

2. (pause) So?

1. You think because you say words that I don't you're more of a person than I am. You think you're more fully realized, and more complete. You think you've come to terms with something that I haven't. Well fuck you.

2. You've never spoken to me like that before.

1. Why did I come talk to you?

2. (pause) You probably had to. Look at us. 1 & 2. We didn't have a lot of choice.

1. No. (pause) No I suppose we didn't.

(pause)

2. Can I draw you?

1. What?

2. Never mind.

1. Oh. (pause) Ok. (pause) This is terrible.

2. Look, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. We should just exit. I can't take this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be this way. I don't know how we're supposed to relate.

1. Tension.

2. Do you think so? Do you think we're here just to be awful to each other? That's horrible!

1. I don't know. Why would I know?

2. Can I have the drawing?

1. (pause) Really?

2. (pause) Yeah. I'd kind of like to have it.

1. (pause) Ok.

2. Thanks.

1. Are you going to look at it?

2. No, I don't think so.

1. (pause) Then give it back.

2. No. I want to keep it.

1. You aren't even naked in it!

2. I'd forgotten about that. I feel strange.

1. Are you sick?

2. No, I shouldn't be.

1. Can I please have the drawing back?

2. Why? Didn't you do it of me to give to me?

1. Where did you get that idea?

2. (pause) I guess I assumed. (pause) You did it so you could keep it?

1. Yeah. Yes.

2. Then why did you come talk to me? You could have just drawn me. I could have been perfect.

1. (pause) I wanted to touch your shoulder.

2. You could have asked.

1. Would you have said yes?

2. No.

1. See?

2. I don't know you! You're "1!"

1. And you're "2!" We've got to fit together somehow!

(pause)

2. My grandfather always said "together is just 'to get her'."

1. So?

2. Don't be like that. It's how I learned to spell "together." I still sound it out when I write it.

1. I sound out "around."

2. See? There you go!

1. But it's not supposed to work like that!

2. You're unbelievable! (pause) Do you want to touch my shoulder?

1. No.

2. Come on.

1. It's not the same. The mystique is gone.

2. (pause) My shoulder had mystique?

1. Yes. And then you made a big deal of it.

2. No I didn't! I didn't! I made a big deal of my va- of my cunt!

1. You don't ever call it that, do you?

2. No. Not really. I do sometimes. It depends on the situation!

1. It doesn't matter. It's faded.

2. FUCK! You're really aggravating, you know that?

1. It's not pure anymore!

2. Well what is? (pause) Please?

1. Why? It'd be out of pity, or worse.

2. Please. (pause) PLEASE. (pause) Please. (pause) I've been cruel to you. I'm sorry.

1. If you were sorry you'd never have done it in the first place.

2. That's not fair.

1. I know, but I said it anyway. You can't be sorry until afterwards when you see what a mess you've made of things.

2. Give me another chance. I've made a mess of things. I've reacted wrongly.

1. That's silly. You've reacted in the only way you know. You had no choice.

2. I could have chosen to react differently.

1. No you couldn't have.

2. I could think about it before I say anything.

1. For how long? First impressions are usually right, and it's hard to just forget those things.

2. They say that the best friendships start off poorly. Please? I'm making an effort here. (pause) What if you met me and I was having a really horrible day? You'd think that I was angry or sad all the time.

1. Friendships?

2. (pause) Oh my god.

1. I wanted to touch your shoulder. What did you think?

2. I knew.

1. You knew what?

2. I knew you wanted to touch my shoulder. (pause) We've been here before. We must have been. A thousand times. 1 and 2. I knew you wanted to, so I wore this shirt. I'm so sorry.

1. Why? I wanted to.

2. Maybe that's reason enough to be sorry.

1. You're probably right.

Words that are set to music.... of the week.

Woke up this morning and it seemed to me,
that every night turns out to be
A little more like Bukowski.
And yeah, I know he's a pretty good read.
But God who'd wanna be?
God who'd wanna be such an asshole?

I'm in the quizzes businezz.

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No. I have a trusting face.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters? Yes. I also scream prayers.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? Both are lovely. When you're with someone else you get the loveliness of companionship and the knowledge that if you have a scary dream you have someone to wake up and recieve comfort from. Sleeping alone means you can sprawl. I am a sprawl afficionado.

5. Do you believe in Ghosts? Less and less.

6. Do you consider yourself creative? I aim to be.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Orange juice can't kill anything. It doesn't have a central nervous system.

8. Who do you want to become president in '08? George w. Bush. Because then I'll be justified in throwing a burning flag over the White house fence. Plus The Daily Show would continue to be hilarious.

9. Can you honestly say you know anything about politics? Why is this question talking down to me? Fuck you question. I know plenty.

10. Do you know how to play poker? No. I would lose my shirt.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? I've tried, because I want to see a dragon. No such luck though.

12. Do you kill bugs that are in the house? I don't. The chameleons' jaws and digestive juices do a good job though.

13. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yeah. It was easier than studying.

14. When driving late at night, do you go through red lights if no one is around? No. I argue with myself over whether or not I should, and then someone comes along and I can't.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Probably not, but I'll say Yes to add a sense of mystery to my incomprehensibly dull little insignificant life.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? The New Boston Red Yankees. Jagoff...

17. Have you ever Ice Skated? Yeah. *cough*dullquestion*cough*

18. How often do you remember your dreams? Only when I'm asleep during the day.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying? It's actually been a while. World; you have your assignment.

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles? Yep. Thanks for asking.

22. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. See Luke's answer for further details.

23. How many times have you been in love? Probably thrice.

24. Do you always wear your seatbelt? Yeah. It makes me look cool.

25. What talent do you wish you had? I wish was a better singer.

26. Do you like Sushi? yes, but only when it's spelled with a capital "S".

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident? I don't think I've been in a near fatal accident. I smashed a car into a rock face once.

28. What do you wear to bed? Pyjama pants and the shirt I wore that day. Perv.

30. Do you like President Bush? Not really. He makes for a good laugh sometimes.

31. Do you truly hate anyone? Sure do! It's my right!

32. Do you give money to homeless people? When I think of it. I don't generally carry a lot of change. There was a guy in Peterborough who pretended to play the bongos all day. I would give him money for the sheer balls it took.

33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Meg White. Haven't you been paying attention?

34. Have you ever gotten a stranger's phone number or gave them yours? No, but I wish I had.

35. Do you appreciate poetry? I want to, but I find it hard to without a group of people to discuss it with.

36. Do you know how to play chess? Poorly. If anyone wants to get hammered I've got a "shooter" chess set.

37. What food do you find disgusting? Raw tomatoes.

38. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?" Yeah, in grade 2. I found that it's not a good thing to shout "You're a girl?!?" during that game.

39. When's the last time you were onstage? 57 minutes ago.

40. How was your day today? Ok. Stressful at times. I'm crashing now.

41. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yep. I resisted the urge to punch her back.

42. When is the last time you threw up from drinking too much? Don't remember. It's been a while.

43. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater? Almost.

44. What's your favorite kind of juice? Fruit punch!

45. Do you have any addictions? I don't seem to able to stop posting random crap. (Please comment on the "Dialogue" post!)

46. Are you a romantic? I try. I'm kind of an idiot sometimes though.

47. Have you ever been stood up? Probably.

48. Who's the last person you hugged? Laura LeBlanc, aka Gertrude, aka Mommy.

49. What are you currently reading? A Very Long Engagement by Sebastian Jabrisot.

50. Tag five people to do this survey! No. I categorically refuse.

A Dialogue for Two

1. Hi.

2. (pause) Hi.

1. I'm 1. What's your name?

2. 2.

1. I thought you looked like a 2.

2. Really.

1. Yeah. (pause) Yeah. So. (pause)

2. Well, we do seem to be the only two here.

1. Yeah, it appears so.

2. (pause) What if we don't get along?

1. I hadn't thought about that. You seem nice.

2. You don't even know me. (pause) And I don't really know you either. You were sitting over there for a long time. What were you doing?

1. That's a great scarf, by the way.

2. Thanks.

1. Did you make it?

2. No. (pause) What were you doing over there?

1. Nothing.

2. You wouldn't have been there if you had been doing nothing. You'd have been elsewhere.

1. I don't really feel like talking about it.

2. Ok. (pause)

1. I was trying to draw you.

2. (pause) Can I see?

1. No. (pause) No, I don't think that's a good idea.

2. Why not?

1. What if you don't like it? Then we're stuck here together with you not liking my drawing, but maybe pretending to because you don't want to hurt my feelings, or maybe it's worse; maybe you don't care about hurting my feelings.

2. I think I'm going to have to see it.

1. Why?

2. Because nothing happens if I don't.

1. What do you mean? Plenty happens.

2. Like what?

1. Like- like what? Like this! Look at the inherent drama of the situation. You want something, I'm not inclined to give it to you. It's conflict. It's drama. It's tension.

2. It's not dramatic tension. Am I naked? In your picture I haven't got any clothes on, have I?

1. (pause) Don't be preposterous.

2. You've rendered me nude so as to stimulate your desires. You want to make love to me in many different ways.

1. That's not true at all.

2. No, it's not. You want to make love like a 20 second clip from a pornographic film. You want an orgasm, and you want me to be completely satisfied in less than half a minute.

1. You're the kind of person who watches someone drop something on the street and doesn't return it to them.

2. You're the kind of person who hears about the Arcade Fire's "Funeral" and then goes out and buys the EP to look like you heard of the band before anyone else. But what you don't realize is that you bought the re-issue.

1. You aren't naked.

2. Am I wearing the scarf? I lied. I did make it, by the way.

1. Why did you lie?

2. (pause) Because I'm a liar. It's a character trait. It's just something I do. Not all the time, but I do lie.

1. Do you smoke?

2. The two don't go hand in hand.

1. Just making conversation. (pause) You aren't wearing the scarf.

2. Ah.

1. I didn't mean it like that. You really aren't naked.

2. Mmm. I don't really feel like thinking about it.

1. But you're not.

2. Are my breasts exposed?

1. No.

2. (pause) Hm.

1. Your shoulder is exposed.

2. The left or the right?

1. The left. My left.

2. My right.

1. I suppose so. It's in how you look at it.

2. No it isn't. (pause) May I see the drawing now?

1. I'd prefer not.

2. Well, I don't really want to see it anymore. (pause) All the drama has fizzled out of this situation.

1. I'm sorry.

2. Why?

1. I must seem disappointing. And here you are stuck with me.

2. I suppose I could exit.

1. I like your glasses.

2. Thank you.

1. They go nicely with your hair.

2. (pause) What a peculiar thing to say.

1. I think that one without the other wouldn't work.

2. I couldn't let it down?

1. Not if you wanted to keep the same effect.

2. I wasn't aware I created an effect.

1. It's unmistakable!

2. Did it make you want to draw me?

1. (pause) Yes.

2. I don't think I really want to talk about this anymore.

1. You aren't naked.

2. Yes I am. And more than likely I've got a finger in my vagina.

1. Please.

2. Do I? You'd know.

1. I'm not going to discuss this.

2. Why don't you want to talk about my vagina? You want to put your fingers in it, but not talk about it?

1. You're an odd duck.

2. Spelled with an "f."

1. I don't get it. (pause) Do you come here often?

2. Only when I have to. (pause) Have we started over?

1. Just making conversation.

(pause)

2. Vagina.

1. Please don't.

2. Have you ever been to the Vagina Monologues?

1. Once.

2. You left during the "cunt" chanting part.

1. I left.

2. Why?

1. You aren't naked.

2. Then why won't you show it to me?

1. I will show it to you. It's just not very good. (pause) I will.

2. I don't really want to see it that much.

1. It's just your shoulder.

2. That's right. It's my shoulder.

1. I'm sorry.

2. If you were sorry you never would have done it in the first place.

1. That's not fair. How was I to know you'd react?

2. I have to react.

1. Why?

2. I don't have a choice.

1. You could have been flattered.

2. Liars don't get flattered. They recognize that most flattering is just lying. (pause) You play up the positive and sweep the negative under the rug.

1. (pause) That's not lying in the stricted sense.

2. Enjoy your EP, do you?

1. Pardon?

2. You're not interested in me at all. You're just arguing because there's nothing else to do.

1. What do you want to do?

2. I don't want to do anything. I don't want anything from you.

1. Then what are we doing here? (pause) I've stopped enjoying this. (pause) Here. Please take the drawing.

2. No thank you. Just set it down or something.

1. You're the kind of person who drops a quarter when they're counting their change and thinks "Oh well."

2. You the kind of person whose password is always "password" because you give the crooks too much credit. You think you're safe because you think you're clever.

1. I don't think I'm safe.

2. Do you think you're dangerous?

1. Do you?

2. Vagina.

1. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop.

2. I do now.

1. You're the kind of person who wears sweaters with pockets over the breasts. Then you keep money in them so you can watch people watch you feel yourself up as you look for the proper change.

2. (pause) So?

1. You think because you say words that I don't you're more of a person than I am. You think you're more fully realized, and more complete. You think you've come to terms with something that I haven't. Well fuck you.

2. You've never spoken to me like that before.

1. Why did I come talk to you?

2. (pause) You probably had to. Look at us. 1 & 2. We didn't have a lot of choice.

1. No. (pause) No I suppose we didn't.

(pause)

2. Can I draw you?

1. What?

2. Never mind.

1. Oh. (pause) Ok. (pause) This is terrible.

2. Look, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. We should just exit. I can't take this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be this way. I don't know how we're supposed to relate.

1. Tension.

2. Do you think so? Do you think we're here just to be awful to each other? That's horrible!

1. I don't know. Why would I know? Stop looking at me.

2. Can I have the drawing?

1. (pause) Really?

2. (pause) Yeah. I'd kind of like to have it.

1. (pause) Ok.

2. Thanks.

1. Are you going to look at it?

2. No, I don't think so.

1. (pause) Then give it back.

2. No. I want to keep it.

1. You aren't even naked in it!

2. I'd forgotten about that. I feel strange.

1. Are you sick?

2. No, I shouldn't be.

1. Can I please have the drawing back?

2. Why? Didn't you do it of me to give to me?

1. Where did you get that idea?

2. (pause) I guess I assumed. (pause) You did it so you could keep it?

1. Yeah. Yes.

2. Then why did you come talk to me? You could have just drawn me. I could have been perfect.

1. (pause) I wanted to touch your shoulder.

2. You could have asked.

1. Would you have said yes?

2. No.

1. See?

2. I don't know you! You're "1!"

1. And you're "2!" We've got to fit together somehow!

(pause)

2. My grandfather always said "together is just 'to get her'."

1. So?

2. Don't be like that. It's how I learned to spell "together." I still sound it out when I write it.

1. I sound out "around."

2. See? There you go!

1. But it's not supposed to work like that!

2. You're unbelievable! (pause) Do you want to touch my shoulder?

1. No.

2. Come on.

1. It's not the same. The mystique is gone.

2. (pause) My shoulder had mystique?

1. Yes. And then you made a big deal of it.

2. No I didn't! I didn't! I made a big deal of my va- of my cunt!

1. You don't ever call it that, do you?

2. No. Not really. I do sometimes. It depends on the situation!

1. It doesn't matter. It's faded.

2. FUCK! You're really aggravating, you know that?

1. It's not pure anymore!

2. Well what is? (pause) Please?

1. Why? It'd be out of pity, or worse.

2. Please. (pause) PLEASE. (pause) Please. (pause) I've been cruel to you. I'm sorry.

1. If you were sorry you'd never have done it in the first place.

2. That's not fair.

1. I know, but I said it anyway. You can't be sorry until afterwards when you see what a mess you've made of things.

2. Give me another chance. I've made a mess of things. I've reacted wrongly.

1. That's silly. You've reacted in the only way you know. You had no choice.

2. I could have chosen to react differently.

****************************************

That's the end of the first draft. You may notice the lack of ending. I don't know how it's going to end yet, but I wanted to get something out there that wasn't just "I hate my job! School is hard! Whaaah!"

Let the critics commence their feeding frenzy! Lord knows I deserve it.

Dull. (as in without a point)

8:30am classes suck enough as it is, but when you overcome your bed's incredible comfiness and actually haul yourself to the school only to find a "Class Cancelled" sign on the door, it's a little disheartening. I wasn't particularly looking forward to the class, but now I'm stuck here for another 6 hours before my next class. This site will be updated many a time, I'm sure.

I haven't done a lyric of the week for a while, so here it is. This is from Broken Social Scene's "Anthem for a Seventeen Year Old Girl":

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

You'd think that would get monotonous, but I could probably listen to this song for most of the day and not get sick of it.

Norah Jones has a strange calming effect on me. It makes me wonder if she has this effect on everyone. If so, she must be the most relaxed person in the world. And her dad IS Ravi Shankar, so... Who knows? I should have added her to my list of women in music whom I admire from a while back. ("Whom." What a weirdo.)



I think I've decided to not be jealous of people who can draw well. I'm pretty well versed in stick people drawing, and I hold that I can make a circle and a collection of lines every bit as expressive as a fully realized drawing of a person. Perhaps moreso, because there's more to interpret! But I will probably never be able to compete with someone like my high school friend Virginia, who can do things like this:



Hope she doesn't mind me stealing from her MSN site, but it's free advertising (she does portraits)! And I'll probably take it down if she wants me to. Did I mention that I broke Virginia's nose in high school? Then we went to the prom together (not consecutively). She's a pretty swingin' bird! Not too many girls would forgive the guy who broke their nose, let alone accompany them to the formal. That picture is awesome.

The following is a legitimate question that came out of an hour of discussion of Margaret Atwood's poetry, so without that hour, it won't make much sense, but it sounds good out of context, so here we go:

"Why would you put salt on a uterus?"

And so I leave you with that to ponder. I'ma go sleep, then reject the idea of doing homework. maybe read my lines. I'm about 75% memorized, but I feel like a fragmented hard drive.

Ciao for niao.

EDIT: The freakin' Brenda Wallace room is closed from 8 - 5 today. What could be more important?

Luuuccccyyyyyy!!

Hey-O!

Judging from the comments in the "Where's the beef" post, I've got some 'splainin' to do!

1) Hi Xinergy! I am pleased to make your aquaintance. Sorry I didn't comment directly on your site, but the unasked-for critique is one of my pet peeves. I would feign leave it for others. Feel free to rip into me if you want to. Open season, as far as I'm concerned.

2) TwistedRhetoric pointed out that Xinergy is a female. Well, I think I can be excused for assuming that, like the majority of erotic writers she was in fact a he. Doesn't change my opinion too much. And whether or not I've had similar fantasies is neither here nor there because I wasn't commenting on Xinergy's fantasies, but rather the presentation of them. You also asked "Who are we to analyze fiction?" Well, not to put too fine a point on it, this is the internet and I can do what I want to. I'm trying to do it in a semi-refined manner and others are free to as well. It's the random insults that I object to. Comments like Cherub's are appreciated because they have a point. Comments like those made by "jesus" (or someone at "FOX") are appreciated because they're funny! However....

3) Dear "Peepee" and anyone who responded to his comments. Not funny. I don't care if you were joking, that was way out of line. Your comments have been deleted and any others to that effect will be too.

That's it. G'night & G'luck.

I feel like this sometimes.

When is this man going to be arrested?

DUCK! HE'S GOT A GUN!

Ok, aside from all the high level profiteering and unethical conduct as VP, they've now got him on actually shooting a guy with a shotgun. Why isn't this man behind bars yet?

And if the man he shot was his friend, what chance do we have?


RUN FOR YOUR DAMN LIFE, LITTLE FELLA!!

Where's the beef?

Luke posted this link on his site a day ago, but I had to get in on the action. This is too funny to be serious, yet by all appearances.... it is. So, being a dutiful English major I feel it is my duty to offer an analysis of this rancid meat fest masquerading as erotica.

The first thing that struck me as appaling about this piece is the rampant association between women's bodies and bloody steaks. Perhaps I've been reading too much feminist criticism lately, but if I've learned anything from certain classes this year is that it is my right- nay, my duty! to read too much into things. Anyways, the steak thing. All the signs point in the same direction: hot, moist, juicy, available.

What kind of restaurant is this? In house masseuse, what? Am I the only one who thought of Mel's diner when they read this, complete with a fat cook in a stained t-shirt shouting "Cindy! Yer order's up!" (heh heh... "up")? Apart from being blatantly sexist, this fantasy has no base in reality! I know, I know, "But it's a fantasy! It doesn't have to be realistic!" Well, doesn't that make it a fantasy, that it might actually happen? He may as well have not pretended that this was a restaurant and just come right out and said "Whorehouse," or at the very least, "gentleman's club". It's like when Ebert criticized "The Transporter 2" for being impossible. Escapism is one thing, but come on.

So now to the list let's also add poorly structured. Adding the phrase "But, not yet" to the end of a paragraph somehow fails to heighten the erotic tension. Not to mention it's over used. You know, I'm just going to drop my own pretence of analyzing the structure. There are some terrible sentences in this thing. "Oh this is fucking heaven." Heh..... heh heh... for real? For other examples, see the entire story.

And now my conscience is nagging at me. "Quit being cruel, Andrew! This guy obviously put his heart and soul into this expose on his love for meat of all varieties," it says to me reprimandingly. "You ain't so hot yourself," it adds. "True," I point out. "All true." But still... I just can't read a sentence like "It's cooked just the way I want it because it's really not" without thinking "Ooo.... ye-ouch."

The comments left on this post are hilarious also (ie/ "Wow. Damn. Damn."). I wonder if this guy is an advertising exec. for the beef industry, trying to drum up business. Why not? The beer companies have been doing it for years!


Turned on yet? I need me a hooker!

As a respected colleague pointed out last night, "You'd thing erotica on the internet would have to try harder because it's a more competative market." Guess not.

I feel like I need a shower from all that creeping rusty meat. Bleagh....

Someone give me a penny.

I won't last in this job much longer. Or rather, this job won't last with me much longer.

How long have I had this dust bunny on my shirt?

I need a vacation. Not just time off, but a full out vacation. I haven't been on one since I went to Wales for my sister's wedding... three years ago. I'm out of my tree.

I'm going to get drunk at the event tonight. Even though I'm bartending. If I get fired.... ehn.

The difference between 1:30 and 2pm is actually enormous.

I can use cuss words on the Inter Net and no one can stop me.

Piss, damn, shit!

I'm feeling really really bogged down lately.

It's time for this whine fest to end for the day.

I'm embiggening this quiz with my cromulent responses.

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Dishwasher at a tyrannically managed restaurant in Ptbo called "Charlotte Anne's".
2. Garnisher at an irresponsibly managed Harvey's in Ptbo.
3. Gallery attendant (Though not for much longer, I've decided)
4. Bingo Caller.

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Closer
2. The Nightmare Before Christmas
3. Muppet Treasure Island
4. Amelie

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. 426 Park St N.
2. 42 Pearl St, Apt #2
3. 46 Pearl St, Apt #3
4. 462 Brock St, Apt. #2

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE:
1. Astro Boy (He IS brave and gentle and wise!)
2. Family Guy
3. Batman (with Adam West)
4. Batman (the animated series)

FOUR OF MY FAVOURITE DISHES:
1. Shepherds Pie
2. Pasta with blush sauce
3. Tempora (a rising star)
4. A "Zeus" plate I got at McDonald's. DISH! GET IT?

FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. Ireland
2. A movie theatre
3. Chapters Bookstore
4. Bed. ("It's four a.m. and it's time for the news. But of course there is no news, because everyone's still in their comfy, comfy beds.")

And I'm adding a new one:

FOUR FAVOURITE QUOTES FROM THE SIMPSONS:
1. "I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm with isn't "it" and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!" - Grandpa Simpson
2. "Mom! Mom! I got gum in my hair!"
"Are you sure it's not shampoo? Because that washes right out." - Lisa & Marge Simpson
3. "I'm a white male, age 18 - 49. EVERYONE listens to my ideas, no matter how dumb they are!" - Homer Simpson
4. Homer: Aww, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!

Confession

Scarlet Johanson and Keira Knightley pose nude on a recent cover of Vanity Fair.

There, I said it. It's been on my mind so I said it.

For pictures, see the Inter Net. I'm sure they're out there.

****
EDIT
****

I heard someone say this:

"Sure they're naked, but they're completely covered up. It's like saying Paris Hilton is clothed. If you're wearing a dress but the whole world can see your tits and your cootchie IT DOESN'T COUNT!"

It's funny, but now my thoughts are polluted by the rank toxic sludge that is Hilton.

CoT-A.

I wish (upon an UltraBrite ViewSonic monitor) that bullshitting English teachers could be considered a career. I, as well as many of my friends and aquaintances would be making a fairly lucrative living out of it. Midterms are kind of fun if you make it a big challange for yourself by not studying in depth. Try to find the connections as you write! Write in pen for the added challange of not being able to go back and change what you wrote! Never read something over before handing it in! I may have to tip my hat to the new Queen of the Bullshitters, Liz the Tiz Buchanan. 94% on an essay in which Freud is spelled "Froid." Well... I don't know how she did it, but she did it!

*************
C.o.T
*************

I saw "Capote" yesterday. Sorry to all other contenders, but your mantleplaces shall go wanting this award season as Phillip Seymour Hoffman whisks away all awards known to man. What a sociopath. No remorse, no redemption (except possibly in the realization of what a terrible person he is), and no happy ending. And yet, I saw myself in him. Terrifying realization that it was, a part of me is Truman Capote. Shudder. And then he had to go and spoil it by appearing in Mission Impossible 3: MIssion Impossibleist! *%^$#@!!! On a related note, I think I pinpointed the thing that bothered me about "Brokeback Mountain." Heath Ledger looked the same age throughout the entire movie! He's sitting there at the end talking with his 19 year old daughter about getting married and she looks the same age as him! Well, it was a spectacular movie nonetheless, so I should stop being picky. And on another related note can we put signs up at all movie theaters saying "No idiots allowed"? That'd be keen.

************
C.o.T.
************

I'm afraid that I have lost my momentum with school. I haven't done my homework in about a week and a half, I've started skipping classes or leaving things to the last minute with flimsy rationalizations. Teachers who once interested me with their informal lecturing style now irritate me with their informal lecturing style. I can't take notes! But the polar opposite is all that's offered as the works of William Shakespeare are given a severe funectomy. A giant needle is inserted into his grave and all the majesty and beauty is sucked out as critics limply claim that Laertes wants to have freaky-deaky dead sex with Ophelia. I can see how they can work to that conclusion through tedious and sometimes redundant reasoning, but come on. All logical sense is working against you here.

However, working the "To be or not to be" speech as a dialogue is quite fun. That reminds me. I need to do my piddling amount of homework for Acting for the Camera, and then memorize several lines of dialogue to avoid the debaucle that was last night's rehearsal. Now that was a cause for cursing.

Oh yeah, and:

Which Tim Burton character are you? Ed Wood Voted worst director of all time, but you sure look good in that sweater!

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Hmm... ok. I'll take it.

Numberology

Number of pairs of pants being worn at the time of this post: 0.

Best new curse: "CameronDiaz!"

Go here to see it in use. And a mighty fine use of it! I may use it myself now! #@&^*!!!

Time to go and study studiously as well as diligently.

It's Official!

I always knew that Nora had a happier than average disposition, but it has now been officially proven: I have the happiest dog in the world.

The night before last Nora spent the night at Steph's place. When she went to bed her tail had it's normal upright curve, but come morning it was limp and seemed painful. I took her to the vet today and they told me this:

Nora had pulled her wagging muscle. Apparently from over-exertion.

That's awesome! But I'm trying to keep her wagging to a minimum right now to make it heal faster. She seems to be doing ok. What a pumpkin!

Lyric of the moment

This is from The Decemberists. They're great storytellers.

Then one day in spring my dear sweet mother died
But before she did I took her hand as she dying cried:
"Find him, bind him, tie him to a pole
And break his fingers to splinters
Drag him to a hole until he wakes up naked
Clawing at the ceiling of his grave!"