Curses! Foiled again!

So it seems I can't go to sleep for several hours because there's a goddamn function being held in the goddamn Brenda Wallace goddamn reading room! So anyone encountering me today will be met with a bleary, incoherent, cranky, whiny mess. Business as usual.

So instead I'll talk about the Oscars. Like everyone else. I haven't seen all of the nominated films (though I hope to remedy this by this evening), so many (if not all) of my comments may be invalid. Either way, they're impressions designed to take up the time between now and my next class.

Best Picture
Nominees

Brokeback Mountain

Capote

Crash

Good Night, And Good Luck

Munich

From what I hear, Brokeback Mountain has this one in the bag. I look forward to confirming this suspiscion. I was surprised to see Crash up there, but it was certainly a good film, worthy of recognition, but it won't win. Not sure why, just don't think it will. But then I lost $100 to my brother becasue I thought Russell Crowe wouldn't win for Gladiator. Seriously. He made me pay him. I was a little disappointed to see Munich on the list, although I haven't seen it yet. It seemed like "Speilberg put out a film? Ok, throw an award or two at it." I'm almost resisting it now. Hopefully it's good. Still didn't see Capote, but I hear it's worth it. Good Night, And Good Luck is like Fargo. I think it won't win, but in a few years people will still be talking about it.

Best Actor
Nominees

Philip Seymour Hoffman - CAPOTE

Terrence Howard - HUSTLE & FLOW

Heath Ledger - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Joaquin Phoenix - WALK THE LINE

David Strathairn - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK

Once again, I hear it's Phillip Seymour Hoffman without a doubt. Can't say, didn't see it... yet. Although I also hear that Heath Ledger will give him a run for his money. Don't know... yet. David Strathairn is William H. Macy. Memorable and deserving, and had he been nominated last year or the year before, he would have won. I think Ryan Phillipe will be paying Joaquin Phoenix back, and I don't know what Terrence Howard is doing up there. Although I didn't see that one. On purpose.

Best Actress
Nominees

Judi Dench - MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS

Felicity Huffman - TRANSAMERICA

Keira Knightley - PRIDE & PREJUDICE

Charlize Theron - NORTH COUNTRY

Reese Witherspoon - WALK THE LINE

Seeing as Judi Dench is nominated for a comedy, I doubt she'll win. I was ridiculously shocked to see Keira Knightley on the list. Not in a bad way, not in a good way. I've always liked her and I think it's nice that in every movie she's in for the next long time she'll be billed as "Academy Award Nominee - Keira Knightley." Good for her. I feel like Charlize Theron was added to flesh out the list. She was alright, but she pales compared to some of the others. I think it's a fight between Reese Witherspoon and Felicity Huffman. If it were up to me, I'd see it go to Felicity Huffman. I hope it does. Reese Witherspoon is charming, but.... I don't know. Just gettting a feeling.

Best Supporting Actor
Nominees

George Clooney - SYRIANA

Matt Dillon - CRASH

Paul Giamatti - CINDERELLA MAN

Jake Gyllenhaal - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

William Hurt - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE

I'd like it if Paul Giamatti won. He carried that movie. I'd have to see Syriana again to see why George Clooney was nominated. I can't really comment on the others. I don't think Matt Dillon will win, even though he was pretty good. I've heard good things about William Hurt.

Best Supporting Actress
Nominees

Amy Adams - JUNEBUG

Catherine Keener - CAPOTE

Frances McDormand - NORTH COUNTRY

Rachel Weisz - THE CONSTANT GARDENER

Michelle Williams - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

No idea. I've only seen "North Country" out of these 5, and seeing as Frances McDormand is aping Margie from Fargo I don't think she'll get it. I'm going to go with Rachel Weisz. Run Rachel, run!

Best Director
Nominees

Ang Lee - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Bennett Miller - CAPOTE

Paul Haggis - CRASH

George Clooney - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.

Steven Speilberg - MUNICH

I hope Speilberg doesn't win. I'd love it if George Clooney won, but I can tell you why he won't. The entire movie is riveting, but there is one scene of archival footage that goes on..... and on..... and on. I'm afraid that'll cost him. I hear Ang Lee might as well clear off his mantle. Not sure about the others. I'm glad to see Paul Haggis nominated because he made the film on such a low budget. Didn't see Capote. Probably won't until after the awards season. I feel like I'm missing out.

I'd love to comment on the writing, but I can't. I'm sure it's all brilliant, but I need to read it, and I haven't.

That's it. Any of you still reading, good job! I probably wouldn't have made it this far. I'm going to the cafeteria to read "A Very Long Engagement" and eat reheated pizza.

It's not my birthday anymore.

Thanks to all the well-wishers. I had a (very) low-key birthday, but nice nonetheless. I got some $$$ from my folks so Jenny & I went psycho on new CD purchases. I shall certainly have many new Lyrics of the Week. Here's a rundown:

Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene
Modest Mouse - Everywhere and His Nasty Parlour Tricks
Norah Jones - Feels Like Home
The Arcade Fire - Funeral (Re-purchase, as the old copy is hopelessly lost)
Modest Mouse - Good News for People Who Love Bad News
Radiohead - Kid A (Thanks Liz!)
The Decemberists - Picaresque
Broken Social Scene - You Forgot it in People

As well as a patented Liz Mix CD! Woot!

I also got a couple of movies from Stephie (Closer & State and Main), and a VW belt buckly from Jenny! I've never had a belt buckle before, but if they're all this cool then I might have to get more.

My 8:30 class is killing me. I actually wrote "Fuck of and die" on my notes today. I don't think it was to anyone in particular, just to the class. I'm tired and pretty sore in a number of places (probably stemming from hurling myself against an enormous station wagon in an eventually fruitful attempt to get it out of a parking lot). I think I might go to sleep for a while, but I'm a little suspiscious that I've forgotten to do something. Maybe not.

I need to write a bio for the Hamlet program. Any suggestions? I never know what to say apart from the usual "Andrew is in his 4th year. He hopes you like the show." In fact, I want all mention of my university status stricken from the record. I need to stop defining myself as a student, seeing as I won't be one for much longer. And I hope you don't like the show. I hope you hate the damn show. I need to get off book A-frickin'-SAP.

Speaking of SAP, OSAP decided randomly on my birthday that I was to recieve an extra $563. As far as I can reason, there is no impetus for this, but I'm not complaining. Happy Birthday Andrew, Love Ontario. (By the way, we're going to need that back in a while. Stay fresh!)

Speaking of birthdays, Happy birthday Simac, lord of Simacia! May you flourish like the crabgrass out back. Many happy returns.

I'm not too concerned that this is just a collection of non-sequiters, seeing as I'm (as mentioned above) tired. I am in fact, now going to go to sleep. For several hours if possible.

p.s. Broken Social Scene is pretty darned good!

Also Chekhov.

It's my birthday today.

OMG! Clubbin' 2nite wif my gallies! I'm so fat! Gal, I luv you lol! call me on my new cell! - (Away)

I was talking about this with a respected colleague the other day and yup, it still bugs me.

What's the deal with people who advertise every single aspect of their lives on their MSN? "I'm having the worst day of my life! Msg me 2 find out Y! lol!" (and don't get me started on "lol"! No one laughs out loud when they type it! Someone said it to me the other day, pronounced "lawl". GRAR!) If your name is that long, I don't need to talk to you. And with the addition of the "Personal Message" feature, you can make it even longer! And turn it off when you're away from your computer! It's not hard to sign in again! If you leave your house for 96 hours, JUST TURN IT OFF! These names almost always seem to be doom and gloom too. The propblem is that "Woe is me" is turning into "Whoa! It's me!"

Great. Now I feel like an old fogey. Before you know it I'll be talking about "Babies havin' babies." But maybe that's not such a bad thing! Stay in school! Eat your greens! Drink your milk (soy or otherwise)! Don't get pregnant if you're 13 years old! AND TURN OFF YOUR DAMN MSN!!! All of these things are synonymous

At long last...

I finally found the official setlist to the White Stripes concert Jenny & I went to in September! Sweet! Here it is:

********************************

When I Hear My Name
Blue Orchid
Passive Manipulation
Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground
Jolene (D. Parton)
My Doorbell
Cannon
John The Revelator (Trad)
The Union Forever
Look Me Over Closely (T. Gilkyson)
Hotel Yorba
You're Pretty Good Looking
Hello Operator
Death Letter (Son House)
The Nurse
Forever Is For Her
Do
Lets Shake Hands
Walking With A Ghost (Tegan And Sara)
Ball And Biscuit
Instinct Blues



ENCORE
The Hardest Button To Button
Cold Cold Night
As Ugly As I Seem
We Are Going To Be Friends
The Denial Twist
Black Math
Red Rain
Seven Nation Army
Boll Weevil (Leadbelly)

Things to buy tomorrow

• Crickets
  
• Worms
  
• Little red underwear
  
• Suspenders
  
• Some sort of body paint
  
• Thank you card

What's all this harping about?

I guess I overshot. And I'm impatient. Thanks to Liz V, Angelo M, and Liz B who sent emails (and hopefully did not sign me up for several newsletters).

So rumour has it we've got a new PM. As David Spade once said:

"Is there really anything you can't do on Wednesday because your guy didn't win?"


Kind of looks like a smile, doesn't it?

Does this mean that Paul Martin's new job is "picking on the guy in charge"? Or is it "Shit slinger"? I always wondered why people wanted to be in political power. Maybe having everyone generalize about you and pick on your choice of wording is more fun than it sounds.

Hotmail, g-mail, shemale?

I've decided I don't get enough email that's not from people who are named "Med$tore" or "ENlargeyrPP". So send me an email if you read this. Send it to here: aceofspades79@hotmail.com

Don't think. Just do it. I'm going to try not to post again until I get 6 emails. I don't care what they say. They can be blank for all I care. I really just need more ways to pass the time. Please give generously.

Want a byte of my sandwich?

It's 11:45pm and I feel like it's about 9:30. "Bet you're going to use this energy to get some much delayed homework done, right Andrew?" Fuck off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've got a lot of soundbytes running through my head, like the below comment about Good Night, And Good Luck, a darn fine film. And George Clooney lassoes another target audience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are a lot of people talking about shutting down their sites because they don't have a "purpose." To them, I say "So?" Do you think I have a purpose? It doesn't matter if it's random and stupid and pointless. If you feel like writing it down, then it's important. It's the Internet. Who cares?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I need to clean up my "links" section. It's been 3 months since Kirsten posted, almost a full year since the last misadventure of Captain Lovejones, and I don't think Jenny's really into this whole thing. Do I delete them, or continue to hold out hope that they will be updated "someday"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A quote from Rushmore:

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm a little lonely these days."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm listening to Modest Mouse's "The Moon & Antarctica" at high volumes and it's probably annoying the neighbors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just left the apartment to investigate a high pitched squeal that was irritating. I think the upstairs apartment dweller is running a bath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm never going to be off book in a week or so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm fuckin' done. Just done.

A friend of Fred

I don't kid myself into thinking I'm the first to come up with this comparision, but here it is, presented for your approval:

Good Night, And Good Luck = The Crucible

I've got to go with Ryan on this one.

If being flamboyantly gay means you get to do things like this:



Then maybe I'm playing for the wrong team! Although I'd be proclaiming my homosexuality for entirely heterosexual reasons... Perhaps this is masking my general distaste for people who use their minority status to get away with shit. "I'm gay! So that means I'm ALLOWED to grope Scarlet!" "I'm black! That means I'm ALLOWED to hate white people!" I've nothing against gays or blacks (although I do against Blacks - see below), or any minority group really, using said minority status to pull shit that no one should be allowed to get away with is ridiculous. No one should be allowed to feel up a girl unless she wants them to. No matter how many times they watch "Lost in Translation" and dream about that moment. Like I'm NOT going to go and do now.

********
DEFENSE AGAINST POSSIBLE REBUTTALS
********

You might (MIGHT) be thinking to yourself "Hey, she seems to be enjoying it, smiling as she is, y'know, like a joke! So what's the big deal? Lighten up, you prude! You're just jealous that you didn't get that opportunity." To that I say: True. I am jealous. But just because she's laughing and smiling doesn't make it ok. Guess what! You caught her off guard! A lot of people don't know they're offended until they've had time to get over the shock of an unexpected event. You know, if more women would just assume they're going to be groped at any given moment by any given person, then eventually they'd come to accept it and we could all move forward into a brighter future.... right? That's how it works, right?

pssssht.

Lyric of the Whenever

I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys
Those christian boys
So you can made me cum
That doesn't make you Jesus

Today's lesson is: Stealing = OK

I Live: in the only two story apartment I'll ever occupy.
I Work: at two mundane, ridiculous jobs.
I Talk: to myself when there's no one around.
I Wish: I could have the money without doing the work.
I Enjoy: fast food, though I know I shouldn't.
I Look: like a vagrant right now.
I Find: that a better quality guitar makes it easier and more fun to play.
I Smell: The wood of said new guitar.
I Listen: to Tegan & Sara's "Fix You Up"
I Hide: The fact that I have many alter egos fairly well.
I Walk: as seldom as possible.
I See: Splat the Raccoon and a giant furry Mad Cow Disease virus.
I Sing: softly when people are around.
I Laugh: quietly in theatres.
I Watch: zero television and too many movies.
I dream about: things which happened to me recently in a jumbled manner.
I Want: something to eat without the effort of making it.
I Cry: occasionally. It's easier to these days.
I Burned: the candle at both ends. All it means is that your hand gets burned in two places, or your house catches fire.
I Read: a lot for class, but little for my own leisure. WHEN WILL YOU COME, SUMMER?
I Love: A certain special girl.
I Sometimes: have insights which are helpful to others. sometimes.
I Hurt: both my shins this one time. Ow.
I Fear: a dark house when I'm alone in it.
I Hope: someone asks me to play "Death Letter" or "Little Bird" for them.
I Break: dance. No, that's a lie.
I Eat: poorly.
I Quit: my old job at Harveys.
I Bathe: as needed.
I Drink: because I will die if I don't.
I Hug: everyone who lets me near them.
I Meditate: though I prefer to call it "napping"
I Miss: the point sometimes.
I Forgive: easily.
I Drive: a bitchin' white station wagon that you wish you had.
I Have: tonnes and tonnes of good things.
I Don't: do that.
I Made: fifth place in eighth grade high jump.
I Owe: the government all my future earnings.
I Feel: hungry.
I Know: That Jenny's en route to Punta Cana right now.
I Wonder: if Jack and Meg White would like to come over for cocktails.

A cry for an Aim

Go here and tell her what to write about!

And then go here to see what I have proclaimed the best thing ever. The Death of Obi-Wan.

Developing a grudge

Call me racist if you must, but I frickin' hate Blacks. Did you know that to get the following:

1 disposable camera
1 "processing included" roll of film
1 picture CD

processed in one and a half hours costs a few cents under $30? Because I sure didn't know! I asked them to break down the pricing for me because it all seemed very expensive. They seemed kind of shocked that I thought it was overpriced. Seeing as I can get the exact same things done at a grocery store for about $12? Fucking right you're overpriced! Also, apparently when they say "Processing included" they don't mean it. What they should say is "Processing included if you want to wait 5 - 7 days, otherwise, PONY UP!" I am never going back to a Blacks again.

Had you thinking I don't like black people for a second, didn't I?

The tragic tale of the old man and the river.

Liz brought to my attention a short story contest that's going on soon. Mayhaps I'll enter it. I've never entered a writing competition before, but it might give me that motivation that has been lacking of late. I've only got one story, and thanks to a shitty fucking ass-bitch of a disk, it was corrupted and deleted. One of those situations where you can't access the information on the disk because it's corrupt and the only way to make it uncorrupt (legitimate?) again is to reformat, effectively erasing all the contents of said shitty fucking ass-bitch of a disk. Perhaps this is what I need to re-write it.

********************************
The story is about an old man who lives next to a river. He lives in a not uncomfortable house, and sleeps in a not uncomfortable bed. He farms in a field every day, and every day he runs his plow into a rock that he's sure he removed the day before. Across the river is another house which appears to be tended, but no one lives there. There is fresh laundry hanging on the line, the house is not in need of painting, the fields look less rocky. But the old man is afraid of the river, which has white water and is running very rapidly. He resolves to stay in his decaying house. It's not SO bad after all.

One day he wakes up and there's a spider hanging over his bed. Being deathly afraid of spiders, he cannot bring himself to sleep in the room anymore, and sleeps on the chair in his living room instead. After a few nights of this his back gets sore and he has trouble plowing the fields. He can no longer move the rocks out of the way, and they seem to be getting bigger and bigger each day. Spring comes and the river floods its banks and finds its way into the old man's living room. He finally decides that he must gather his belongings and cross the river if he is to go on living. He puts his things in a bag which he slings onto his back and begins to timidly cross the river. It is not long before he realizes that the river does not run any deeper than his knees, and though it runs swiftly he has no trouble finding a footing. He crosses the river with no incident.

When he reaches the other side, he inspects the house. There is indeed no one living there, but now that he is up close he sees that the paint is beginning to peel. It does not need painting right away, but it will in a years time. The fresh laundry on the line is indeed nicer than his old scratchy blanket, but it is beginning to fray around the edges. The fields still have rocks in them, but they are much smaller. The old man looks back at his flooded house and feels grateful. The new house is not everything that he dreamed it would be, but it is indeed an improvement. He also feels foolish. Had he crossed the seemingly dangerous river sooner, he would not have had to sleep in his living room and hurt his back. He would not have had to deal with the seemingly endless supply of rocks in his old field. He would not have been itchy in the mornings.

Looking away from his old house, he sees that on the other side of his new house is a glen of trees. It is dark, dank, and shadowy and the old man is convinced that he sees eyes peering out at him. On top of a small hill in the middle of the glen is a cottage. From what the old man sees, the paint is not chipped at all, there is a garden with food growing in it, and a brand new set of cotton sheets are hanging on the line. The old man looks at his new house, then looks at the cottage, then the glen. He knows he has a decision to make.
**************************************

The contest costs $15 to enter, and if you win, you get $300 and your work published. I think I could deal with that. Yeah, I'll give it a shot.

Smooch smooch, Explosion explosion

Just one of the reasons "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" was really good:

Harry: You know, she's like that girl in high school, the one that got away, the one that haunts you.

Perry: Yeah, I had that. Bobby Mills.

Harry: You know, you should go after him. 'Cause I've got five bucks that says you could still get him.

Perry: Really? Cause I've got a ten that says "Pass the pepper." I've got two quarters that sing harmony on "Moon River."

Harry: What?

Perry: Talking money.

Harry: Talking monkey?

Perry: Yeah. Talking monkey. Came from the future. Ugly fucker. Only says "ficus."

Direct THIS!

I'm taking the directing course this semester, and I think I've pinpointed what I don't like about courses which attempt to teach creative activities, like directing or writing. The majority of the textbook covers a sort of cautionary "Beware of bad ideas" mentality. I understand that there are no rules when it comes to directing, but a hint might be nice. It seems to me (and I might be missing the point) that if your ideas are good then your piece will work, and that seems like all this textbook can offer. There are a few ways to test if your ideas are working, but how does that help if you can't come up with any ideas in the first place?

This is why I'd be a terrible teacher. I hate it when I can get something but someone else can't. Especially if I came up with it. "What do you mean you don't get it? What is there not to get?" Is it wrong of me to expect a lot from the audience? Seriously, because I don't know. Should I take the approach that nobody knows anything that I'm doing on stage, just to be safe? Fuck.

Screw it.

The Passion of the Lyric of the week

Proto-social is the word
And the word is the bird
That flew through the herd in the snow

This also just flew into my head:

"Starland Vocal band? They suck!"

Hmmm....

vs.



I just watched "Good Will Hunting" and it made me cry.

Now I'm listening to Sigur Ros, and it's making me cry!

I'm going to take a picture of a sock monkey playing the guitar, then I'm going out to get pissed. Why? Because I deserve it.

This picture is titled "Andrew at work"

Thank you and good night.

Internupdate

Somehow I'm going to come out of January in the black. OSAP randomly decided I was worth an extra $526 today, so as soon as I get around to submitting the forms and waiting the required 5 - 10 business days I'll have fewer financial woes. Note to me: Sign up for bursaries.

I continue to get junk email at an alarming rate. I wonder if it might be time to change my email address. I've had the same one since I was in grade 9 or so, and changing it always seemed so unneccessary. Plus you have to let everyone know about it, and then you have to check your old address every so often and then let those people who are still emailing you there that you've moved, etc, etc... it's really a huge nerdy hassle. Resolved. I'm sticking with the old one.

Classes are good this semester. I feel like I talk too much in one of them, but that if I didn't talk the entire 3-hour class would be an enormous awkward pause. So I talk... a lot. So I'm guaranteed at least 10% in that class. So I got that goin' for me. (So what? Sew buttons) Another class made me talk about my past, which I don't like doing. Luckily I actually worked on the project instead of focussing solely on how much I didn't feel like doing it. Don't get me wrong, I still complained, but I worked also. Getting into the swing of things.

Jenny bought another chameleon yesterday. That makes a grand total of 3, 2 in the last month. He's pretty cool. A fisher's! So that brings the tally up to this:

3 chameleons (one veiled [Ichabod], one Nosy Be [Mordecai], one Fisher's [Cyrano, tentatively])
One puppy (Nora)
One Bunny (Xerox)
A mess of fish. (Voldemort + The Death Eaters)

I can't compete with Stephie just yet, but I'm getting there. Jenny likes her reptiles, I like my mammals. We get along fine.

10:37 am. T - 3 hours + 53 minutes until my next class. Things left on the ol' Honeydew list: 4.

I like my chances.

"Havin' fun with my friends
Words about a mystery
Shakin' hands with my man..."

Fornicate Under Consent of the King you.

I am not a happy camper.

Some guy had called the Gallery over night and left a message asking about art classes. Tacked onto the end of this message was a recommendation that we redo our automated telephone greeting because it sounds too - "Hmm, how would I put it?" amatuerish. "I only make this suggestion because it's what my wife and I do professionally. Heh heh, not to be critical or anything, just a suggestion."

Who the fuck are you? Maybe you should keep your fucking opinions to yourself. Not to be critical though.



Fucking pissants.

Thanks (for the toxically white smile) Angelo!

Pick a band, complete this survey with only their song lyrics:

The White Stripes

Are you male or female?:

The same boy you've always known
well I guess I haven't grown

or

What a fool this boy can be

Describe yourself:

when I hear my name
I want to disappear
oh oh oh oh
when I see my face
I want to disappear

How do some people feel about you?:

There's a story
I would like to tell
My problem is
It's one you know too well
It's one you know too well

How do you feel about yourself?:

And if there's anything good about me
I'm the only one who knows

Describe your ex-girlfriend/boy-friend:

but know this much is true
no matter what I do
offend in every way
I don't know what to say

Describe your views on your significant other or crush:

Come and sit with me and talk awhile
let me see your pretty little smile
put your troubles in a little pile
and I will sort them out for you

Describe what you want:

I was sitting there in a comfortable chair
And that was all that I needed
Then my friend offered me a drink for us to share
And that was all that I needed
Well, then I felt at ease
But then I'm not too hard to please
I guess you couldn't call me greedy

Describe how you live:

Now we're a family
And we're alright now
We got some money and a little place
To fight now
We don't know you
And we don't owe you
But if you see us around
I got something else to show you

Describe how you love:

I got a little feeling goin' now
I got a little feeling goin' now

Share a few words of wisdom:

Women, listen to your mothers
Don't just succumb to the wishes of your brothers
Take a step back, take a look at one another
You need to know the difference
Between a father and a lover

************************************************
Wolf Parade

Are you male or female?:

I am my father's son

Describe yourself:

I'll believe in anything
if you'll believe in anything

How do some people feel about you?:

I ain't quite the beauty

How do you feel about yourself?:

nobody knows you
and nobody gives a damn

Describe your ex-girlfriend/boy-friend:

You said you hate the sound
Of the buses on the ground
You said you hate the way they scrape their bricks all over town
I said pretend it's whales
Keeping their voices down
Such were the grounds for divorce I know

Describe your views on your significant other or crush:

We'll be home
When my hair has fallen out
We'll be home
When we've picked it up off the ground
We'll be home then

Describe what you want:

I got a hand
So I got a fist
So I got a plan
It's the best that I can do

Describe how you live:

I'm not in love with the modern world

Describe how you love:

Sometimes they rock and roll
Sometimes they stay at home and it's just fine

Share a few words of wisdom:

Look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here

The war on Xmas

Y'know, o'er the end of december season, I'd been hearing lots of (not to put to fine a point on it) crap and falderal about the so-called "War on Christmas." Apparently wishing someone "Happy Holidays" constitutes an active move to destroy Christian values. Apart from being entirely fictional, this "war" is aggravating and ridiculous. An attempt to include people of all religious backgrounds doesn't sound too subversive to me, but I don't have my own News network, so what do I know?

I previously avoided commenting on this because I didn't feel like fanning the flames and giving more attention to something which needed to be left in the gutter where it was found, but I saw today a video of Bill O'Reilly on The Late Show with David Letterman pumping up this HUGE ENOURMOUS HORRIFYING ATTACK ON CHRISTIAN VALUES! (Oh no! The enormous dinosaur needs help!) Well, it was all summed up by the following exchange:

Dave: You can't say Christmas?

Bill: No.

Dave: Why is that?

Bill: Because it's politically incorrect. And we did a lot of reporting on this... We were leading up to the christmas season by saying "Hey, how come we can't say Christmas?"

Dave: Now, I wasn't aware you couldn't say Christmas. When did this happen?

Bill: Sears/K-Mart started it. They said it's all "Happy Holidays" or "Winter Solstice." ... Are you with me, Dave?

Dave: I wasn't aware that this had happened.

Bill: You weren't aware of the big, giant controversy over Christmas?

Dave: Well, I ignore stuff like that. It doesn't really affect me. I go ahead and do what I want to do and, y'know.

Go here for the rest. It's pretty funny... in a sad way.

Manifesto

Dear Jerks of the world:

I just woke up from a horrible dream. I don't usually have these kinds of dreams, and I even seldomer (?) believe in them, but this has prompted me to put you all in your place, because someone has to, damn it!

Whenever you ask a young person what they are going to do when they "grow up" and they answer that they want to be a writer, or an actor, or a dancer, or a musician, or a director, or a poet the correct response is NOT "Oh... there's not much money in that, is there?" However, if you wanted to add insult to injury, you might add a tone of complete disgust to your voice. Dear god, these people are talking about their LIVES here, and too many discouraging words can completely destroy a person's confidence in themselves. And guess what! Chances are that if a person has chosen a career in the arts, they are not in it for the money. It's not as if someone said to you "Oh... there's not much emotional satisfaction is accounting, is there?" Because I could pick on you too if I wasn't the polite young man that I am. Hmmm, could there possibly be a reason I keep telling everyone that I don't know what I want to do with my life, except in the cold impersonal regions of the Inter Net? You know, it's not so hard to fake it and pretend that maybe money and security aren't as important to some people as they are to you. So fuck off and get out of my subconscious, or I swear to god ON HIGH I'll write a book about you assholes.

Sincerely,
A future writer

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A Next-Morning Addendum
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Dear Future Teachers,

Do you really want to be a teacher? Do you like kids? Because if the answer to either of these questions is "no" then maybe, just maybe teaching is not for you. I've heard too many people complaining out loud about how they don't want to be a teacher yet continually taking active steps in that direction. You don't even like kids, but you're choosing a profession in which you'll be around them (more than just around them) for at least six hours a day? For four solid years we read books about people who broke out of their social molds to a better life (or those who were unable to and the resulting downfall and depression), but it seems like these cannot be taken at more than face value. These are more than just stories. They are valuable life lessons. Despite what everyone "out there" says, becoming an English teacher is not the only option for an English major.

Sincerely,
Not a future English teacher.

Lyric of the Whenever I feel like it

I'm really enjoying music these days, and due to a stomach somethingorother which floored me for the last two days (causing me to miss the first class of three of my new courses) I've got nothing else to report, so here we go again.

What am I supposed to think?
I drop a nickel in the sink
I love people like a brother now
But I'm not gonna be their mother now
What if someone walked up to me and
like an apple cut right through me
I'm not just gonna stand there grinnin'
Cause I'm not the one who's sinnin'
Screwdriver.

Eventually I'll compile all of these into one enormous master song which means that I, like Rachel Green, will be accepting the Best New Artist award at the Grammies.

p.s. Apparently Meg White is going to be a model! Whoa!

No point. Just confirming my existence.

Back to school
Back to school
To prove to dad that I'm not a fool
I'm got my lunch packed up
My boots tied tight
I hope I don't get in a fight
OoooOOHHH Back to school

Classes begin today with a seminar that I'm not signed up for in a building I've never been in. Wait hold on, I'm going to check if I'm still not in.... Nope, still not in. This will be interesting. I should probably show up really early to get a seat and then refuse to leave. Ya. Zat vill be guut.

Saw King Kong again last night. Still thought it was awesome. Renewed appreciation for Naomi Watts' ability to scream. Planned ahead this time so as not to miss anything by an untimely bathroom break. Turns out I just missed some atmosphere last time. Became irritated by how Mr Hayes kept calling Jimmy "Jimmy." "You gotta get educated, Jimmy." "I'm not giving you a gun, Jimmy." "You'd look saucy in a beret, Jimmy." Wanted to yell "My name is Alex! Why do you keep calling me Jimmy?!"

Went on a Starbucks date with Jenny to talk shop about Hamlet. She's incredibly helpful and it's really great to talk things out to make sure I know what's going on. Every time we talk I get a firmer and firmer grasp on how I'm going to play the Danish wunderkind. Next up: talking relationships with other characters avec the other actors. Hopefully I can get some of that done with Stephie today. We'll see how that goes, and then set up meetings with everyone else.

I'm a day early, but I need to get the lyric of the week out of my system so I can obsess over something else:

Now we'll say it's in God's hands
But God doesn't always have the best goddamn plans

ok, back to bed for an hour, then clean, then Steph's, then school, then rehearsal, then what?

Letter to the Editor

Dear New Year's Eve,

Get off my back already. I've never really liked you, New Year's Eve. You always force everyone and their dog to have a party, because "That's what you do on New Year's Eve," and it completely stretches me thin every year. "Oh, you could come by my party for a while if you've got other places to go," they say, and they're right. I could. But I don't ever feel particularly inclined to visit 7 different places on a night when I'm supposed to be drunk off my ass. Why do you make people do this, New Year's Eve? Did Dick Clark put you up to it? Because 7 seperate parties means seven seperate tv's tuned into Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve? Which means 7 Neilson points instead of just one? Dang it New Year's Eve! You can't give in to peer pressure like that! And by the way, 7 seperate tv's tuned into Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve also means 7 seperate groups of people who realize instantly that Hilary Duff hasn't memorized her lines, as well as wonder why exactly they gave that girl from the Bangles a bass if she wasn't going to play it! Shape up, New Year's Eve, or we shall have words again next year.

Sincerely,
Sleepy and Surly in Sudbury.

I can't explain it any other way.

Hi.

I'm reading a book right now called Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, and I'm really enjoying it. My earlier comment of "Read it now. Do it. DOOOO it!" didn't seem to cut it in the "This book is really interesting and engaing" department, and I've been wanting to express it, but words are failing me. So here's a mash up of conversations that I've had with myself and with Jenny about the book. I think these express more about how I feel about the book than a formal review. I love Jenny. She's great to talk to about these things.

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(p.s. The opening few lines were because I started out intending to write something else, but it came out as this. Meh, I still like them.)
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My lips hurt real bad!

I hate how dry it is right now. You'd think that drinking enormous amounts of water would help, but that just seems to make it worse.

Water drys you out.

How does that make sense?

It doesn't. It's just one of those things.

I hate those things.

They hate you.

Hmm, which would explain why they're always around.

Yeah.

This is a really great book.

What's it about?

It's hard to say. It's written in about three different styles, and each style has a different storyline, and all three storylines mesh up somehow. I think the main idea is this guy's family history.

Which guy?

The guy who wrote the book.

His actual family?

I think the character might just have the same name as him.

The writer?

Yeah. (pause) It's interesting.

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Yeah, it's all sort of coming together. Like stuff that made no sense 90 pages ago is making sense now.

Like what?

Like why this woman seems to enjoy it when her husband beats her, and sees it as a gesture of love.

How's that?

Well, it's complicated. (pause) Way back about 100 pages ago when she was twelve, she was the centrepiece of a parade.

Centrepiece?

Like the festival queen.

Oh, ok.

And after this festival there's this huge sort of pagany ritual orgy.

With her?

No, no, no. She doesn't want to take part in it, so she goes home, but on the way home she meets up with the town's resident pervert and he rapes her.

Wow.

Yeah, it says something like he "makes a woman of her." And this was about 100 pages ago, and it was only one line and then they left it. She goes home to her father, who's not her real father by the way, and he's died while she was at the parade.

Geez.

Yeah, that's what I said. So while she's kind of in shock about it, she sees a man at the window, and he's saying he's in love with her, and that he wants her, and she says she'll kill herself, and he says if she does he'll just take her body. And she ends up marrying this guy and living with him for about six years, I think.

So, wait. She marries him, even though he's kind of... I don't know, he's-

Well, he's saying all these ridiculously creepy things to her-

Right-

And what she says, you know about 100 pages back is that he has to do something for her, but you don't find out what. So it's all being replayed now, and you find out that the guy she marries goes and kills and mutilates the pervert.

Oh, ha ha, ok.

Well, they're married for a while-

Wait. She's twelve?

Yeah. Well, it's all set in about 1791 or so-

Oh, ok. Gotcha.

Right, so they have three kids together by the time she's eighteen, which is when her husband dies.

And her husband is the guy at the window.

Yep. And while they're married he works at a mill. And one day there's a saw blade that gets loose and it's bouncing all around the mill, and it hits the guy in the head and gets lodged in his head, sticking straight up. I mean, he's ok and everything, like it just missed everything important.

So he lives with a, like a circular saw in his head?

Yeah, I know.

How big is it? Like is it a lumber mill?

Ha ha, no, it's a flour mill. I don't think it's very big blade, they don't say.

Ok, so now he's got this saw.

Right. And so the saw does something to his moods, like he has all these outbursts and he hits her a lot, only a little at first, but then it becomes like an everyday thing.

But she likes it?

I don't think it's that she likes it, it's more like she sees it as a gesture of love, which you can get because their relationship has always been defined by violence.

Because of what happened when they first met.

Right. Right, exactly. She says that she never loved him, and that makes sense, because he basically forced her to marry him, but before that happened she took charge of it all.

What all?

Well, like she knew that she wasn't going to be able to escape from him, because she's alone in a room with her dead father, and everyone else is having an orgy, and she's really vulnerable, and plus she's naked.

She's naked?

Yeah. Did I not mention that?

Ha ha, no! When did that happen?

When she got home! From the parade. She started to get changed, and she couldn't find her father, so she went to look for him.

Naked.

Yeah. 1791, remember.

Right, right.

Right. So she can't escape from this guy at the window, she may as well take control of it, and she tells him to kill the pervert who raped her. And when he does that, it's like a really twisted gesture of love.

So the- when he hits her, she associates the violence with an act of love.

Yeah. And it explains why she almost craves the beatings, and why she's so reluctant to sleep in seperate rooms when he can't control the way he treats her.

Wow. (pause) That's cool.

Yeah, it is. And everything is coming out like that. Everything right now is a major epiphany. The title is making so much more sense now. And I'm really liking how it was really funny at first, and now it's gotten all serious and rich, and deep. It's a really effective way of drawing me in, and making me want to read.

Yeah, it's like a clown crying or something.

How do you mean?

Well you pay more attention when soemthing it supposed to be one way and it's another. Like a clown is supposed to be funny and happy, but if he's sad it means something significant has happened.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that's it exactly. (pause) This is a great book.

Yeah, it sounds good.